Those little rituals

The first time I saw them, their interaction was friendly, social. They looked happy, and it made me smile. The second time I saw them, it was exactly like the first time. It seemed odd.  The same loud laugh, the same handshake, and the same excitement. When I saw them yet again, a third time, I realized that the interaction was a daily ritual. Maybe a weekly ritual, I don't really know.

The train sounded its annoyingly loud horn as it came to a halt. People queued up by the doors, careful not to push, and climbed down the stairs one by one. The passengers getting on and off the train were quite a crowd - most rushing to their cars or their pick-ups, others hurriedly boarding. Some, who had the extra few seconds, noticed them. The short and stout man wearing a hat and sunglasses stood by the bench at the end of the platform.  He yelled in excitement, and waved to the stationary train. From the very front of the train, from a very high compartment, a second taller man, probably the engineer on-board, opened a door. He descended two steps and with one arm holding onto the door, he flung the other out, to share a strong boyish handshake with the man who waved. They both shared a loud laugh. The second taller man then climbed back in, the train announced its departure with the blaring horn again, and left. The man on the platform, childishly ecstatic, watched as the train pulled out, still waving.

They could be old friends. They could be related. For all I know, they could have known each other all their lives. But in my head, they are perfect strangers. Perfect strangers who by some inexplicable way  have gotten into the habit of greeting each other, and sharing a few seconds of loud and obvious happiness. Maybe that right there, is a perfect relationship.

Of course that was a fleeting thought, and once I walked past them, I quickly got distracted by the lovely cherry blossoms, and the traffic view on my phone. However, today, while I drove back home, almost gliding on the highway at a single pace, the sunset on one side, the new spring flowers on the other, I thought about little rituals - the ones you keep, and the ones you miss. Like sending post-cards from across the world. Like buttered toast with honey and cinnamon on Saturday mornings. Like leaving a co-worker a 'happy Friday' note every single Friday. Like greeting each other every evening with a fresh shortbread cookie :)

 My family and friends have embraced my obsession for the colour green for long, and gifts in green have sort of become a little ritual. Thanks Niv for the wonderful handmade green bookmark! And of course, the book - I flipped through it, and it looks like a dream. I can't wait to read it, but at the same time, I never want to be done with it :)

Yours "sprezzatura"ly
signing off...

Upasana Arattais

Upasana. I associate the word with so many things, its difficult to point a finger at one thing. Maybe I could say it was truly...home. I don't think I've felt more at home anywhere else. And I'm not sure when I'll feel so at home again. Sometimes I wonder what makes it so special... wonder why I felt such a strong belonging, considering the fact that my parents weren't always around... maybe it is because I know that I spent some of the best years of my life there...learnt...grew...evolved as a person...the person I am today...shaped by all the happiness...the laughter...the tears.

But more than that, I think its other small things that tied me to it, and make me yearn for it even today. Ginger-tea evenings, Suriya sweets Vazhakai-bhajji, random conversations with the periya-meesai watchman and the lady who swept the place, sunsets from the terrace, sunday afternoon naps, pep-talks and not-so-pep-talks with so many friends, marathon watching Friends and House M.D., the gulmohar...

But even more than all of that... the arattai sessions! The people... the activity (which was sometimes immensely annoying!), someone forever walking in and out of that door, the door-bell ringing every other minute, the telephone yelling for attention, the television blaring with kolangal music, Paati arguing with Raniamma about drying the clothes when she's doing her 'madi' samayal (!), cable-kaaran paal-kaari wanting money all the time (sort of reminding you that its the beginning of a new month!), a mixture of loud carnatic music and Rahman's beats (and mostly, with the TV yelling as well!), the smell of rasam and kothamalli thogayal... and the sound of people talking. Maamis and aunties, mamas... thatha paati amma... Karthik and Visu. And during 'season' Chitti, Sanjana, Sandhya...

The dining table of that house would be the most entertained being in the world! So enriched with gossip and drama, and once in a while, serious talk, sensible talk ;) Every evening over tea and biscuits (AND thattai, murukku and other norukku!), every night - all the dinner discussions and even other times of the day, random talk! My memory stretched back to the one year my brother stayed in that house, and the million conversations thatha had with him and Karthik on what sort of girls are 'ok' to fall in love with, him justifying his caste specifications with vegetarianism! Each person's legs getting pulled in turns... on to college gossip that Kar and me shared over dinner religiously, each time taking the conversation into the airconditoned room and continuing through the night (or some other philo topic, or otherwise, mosre frequently, on realtionships!) And then Visu filling me in with all the ridiculous happenings of his college, and bringing me up to date with the latest crap-lingo with short forms and long forms! Sigh...

And then there were the numerous conversations with amma, on so many issues! Chopping veggies with her, listening to her complain about my dressing sense (Aal paadhi, aadai paadhi!)...and with Paati, about the future (her kollu perans and pethis!), and the past - her Madurai life...with thatha...on books (repeated discussions about the same part of the same book so many times!), music , and his good old days as an auditor (and the fantastic food he ate - Oru dosai, oru kaapi!)...with Raniamma, about how I should get married ASAP!

Well I guess the good part about Nostaligia is re-living those moments...and putting up posts like this to remember things years down the lane... I know things can never be the same at Upasana... painful as it is to realise, we have indeed grown up. We live in, as my paati would put it "yedhedho moolai"s (corners) of the world, and meeting each other becomes celebration... We thankfully have enough good memories to last a lifetime... to make us smile whenever we think back at those days... when i walk into that house again, I'm sure I'll hear echoes...of laughter, of happiness...of a time that was so beautiful, I'd give anything to have it back again...

Flat No.8, Upasana
Old No.48, New No. 64,
Ist Main road, R.A.Puram
Chennai - 600 028

Yours "Ninaivugal...yendrendrum" ly
Signing off...

Longing...and Belonging...

Old age is catching on. Or so I feel! I guess Its just the sudden overwhelming heap of responsibilities that are unexpectedly thrust upon you! I spent over an hour shopping the other day. Aah, now you'll think "Girls! Them, and their shopping!"... Nope, it was one hour (or more) of grocery shopping! And frankly, i've never felt more satisfied after a shopping session! In a way, its lousy, because I know that I spent so much time buying tomatoes and apples and tea because of the price reductions, as a result of which alot of comparisons and careful selection had to be done! But in a way, it felt good. Its learning, and growing, in a totally different way. Its moving from buying a packet of tomatoes randomly without caring how much it costs, to looking at all the different varieties of fresh tomatoes, and finally picking the canned tomatoes because they're cheaper, and last longer! See what i mean? I feel like I've aged 5 years in the past 2 months!

Its also falling prey to Murphy's law more than ever. I don't know if I learnt anything from my Murphy incident, but I do know that I ought to have! So I'll try to write this in the shortest way possible. Situation: Div's mobile has zero balance. She can't make calls. She's been wanting to recharge for the past 3 days, but she hasn't had the time! Additionally, Div has exactly 45 cents in her wallet because she hasn't had time (err, or has just been too lazy!) to walk up to the ATM and draw money. Moving on from the minor details, she's been up the whole night in the uni working on an assignment. She takes the first bus in the morning back home at 6.30am, hoping to catch some sleep before her 9.00am lab. She reaches home at 6.45, just to find that the outside mesh-door, which is never locked (and to which she doesn't have keys), is locked. She knows her house-mates would be asleep. She knocks, they cant hear her (there are no door bells in brisbane!). She doesn't have balance to call their cell phones and tell them to open the door. She can't call from a public booth because she has exactly 45 cents in her wallet (and a call from the booth costs 50 cents!). Classic murphy situation! What does she do? She walks up to a 24 hour store a few minutes from her house, and uses her debit card to recharge. She then yells at the recorded message on the phone-network because the goddam thing is not recharging! After finally recharging, she calls roomie 1's cell. No answer. She calls roomie 2's cell. Finally, she picks up! And the outside-door-that-is-never-locked is opened! Div walks into the house, and is just too angry to sleep! Roomie 2 says she didn't lock the outside door, roomie 1 says she didn't lock the outside door. Sleep seems like a more welcome option than listening to 2 people, 1 of whom definitely locked the door (unless one believes in ghosts!), saying they didn't do it. She goes to bed, cursing herself for everything that went wrong, cursing herself for not listening to her mother's "RECHARGE!" cries!

Maybe it could have been worse. Maybe my house could have been in some place where there's no 24 hour store in 5 mins walking distance! Maybe the store could have been one that didnt have recharge cards, or didn't accept debit cards! But I think it was bad enough! Having to put up with so much crap after a sleepless night! Well, life :)

So... as a tribute to all those things and people I'm missing terribly here...

Dear Raniamma - I wash the vessels and clothes, brush the carpet and scrub the stove! You'd be proud of me! Miss u :)

Dear Mom - I'm waiting for the day my food will taste as good as yours...

Dear Pop - I'm realising the value of your hard-earned money...

Dear Kar - You made me cry the first time I was chatting with you after coming to brisbane. Felt good, because i was wondering whether my tear glands had dried up! You have no idea what our converations do to me :)

Dear Vis - I wish we could snuggle up in my bed and watch house on Iris! Miss your hugs and thumb-fights!

Dear Lav - I'd give anything to just have the kind of conversations we have...just once...by the brisbane river...

Dear Nid - I wish your aircel scheme worked for aus too! Everytime i need to make a decision, I hope like crazy that you'd just appear and whisk me away to aunty's shop for corn florentine and a pep talk!

Dear Nit - You're walking beside me each time i'm holding a camera and clicking something absolutely gorgeous...

Dear shrut - I saw a Capt.Jack Sparrow poster in a store here and knew you'd love it. Waiting for the day we'll get crazy again!

Dear Nik - Your "GO HOME NOW" msg the other day did wonders to lift my spirits, even though i spent the whole night in uni! Your msgs somehow have almost always had perfect timing... :)

Dear Nil - Beer's cheaper here than water. Always reminds me of you!

Dear Bharat - I'm probably going through what you went through 4 years back, and I salute you, for living through it when you were much younger than I am now. Do i need to mention the smoke alarm again? ;)

Dear Suk - You're a smart kid...wish you were my sister :) At this point of time I just feel like saying - You're like no one else I know. Don't let petty things break your heart. You're destined for big things in life... you're going to go places.

Dear Jess - I miss your wise-cracks. We should have spent more time together...cracking up and laughing for the silliest of things. We should... sometime in life...

Dear Sand - The signal pathway in my body that usually gets activated and makes me whacky when you're around is currently dormant, or dead. It's up to you to revive it!

Dear Nanya - I was petting a dog here 3 days back. One of those absolutely rare things in my life... thought yoou'd like to know :)

The list could continue... and be endless...but i stop here. Additionally though...

To all those people who chat with me on a daily basis - You have no idea what a difference it makes.

To music - Thanks, for helping me savour the alone-ness, the loneliness...

Finally...

Dear Nivetha - Thanks for giving me hope :) I know now that I can spend the rest of my time here with more laughter and fun and reason than I thought in the beginning :)

Yours " Ajeeb Dastaan hai yeh, kahaan shuru kahaan khatam..."ly
Signing off...

Firsts...

I think I've taken a long enough break from blogging! And, it wasn't voluntary ;) First, to the 14th of July, 2008, a toast (well, an imaginary one!), for being the happiest, and the most tiring day in the past few months. Why would i want to offer this toast to a tiring day? Because it is after the most tiring days that you sleep most sound, and most deep :) Anyway, lets all wish my Anna and my Manni a happy happy life ahead! Love you guys!

Now to things more relevant to my present situation. My firsts in Australia.

Smiling, at random strangers, and all the time.
Drinking water straight out of a kitchen tap.
Wearing a Jerkin continuously, ALL the time, for a week (and i'm sure it'll be for longer!)
Shouting out 'Thank you' to bus drivers.
Finding banks tolerable, to the extent of mild liking! (but that does not change the fact that i STILL want the guy i marry to do all the banking later in life!)
Loving ALL the clothes that my mother bought me! (because she had the sense to buy me warm clothes. I on the other hand, was a total idiot! thank God for mothers...)
Walking up and down SLOPES. Its like you hike everyday!
Handling extreme courtesy, and niceness from great people.
Seeing SO MANY chinese people in one place. You get confused, start wondering if you're in Australia or China! No offence to any chinese though!
A thought...on how marriage should eventually work out :) Yes, a couple gave me the feeling, recently. It feels good to see people like that.

I could go on... :)

Missing everyone back home... love you guys!

Yours "Jahaan bhi le jaye zindagi..." ly
Signing off...

Oh yeah!

There are so many things that happen in life...so many phases, so many emotions that waltz with the mind. Yet, people chose to sing of love. And we don't seem to get bored of it. I'm not saying that other emotions, or situations, are totally ignored...Its just that, if theres a movie with 6 songs, 2 would probably centre around friendship, family, death or sheer fun/dabankoothu, while the other 4 will have something to do with the onset of love, descriptions of the girl/boy, or dreams of either, or when the love borne in the hearts of the protagonists is finally getting a name that society approves of with no qualms - marriage, or heartbreak, which ofcourse is very directly involved with love itself. Its very rare that vairamuthu writes a song like "Katrin mozhi", and that's because its not what is asked for. There are 5 other songs in that movie- mozhi(i'm not fond of the 6th one!)-which are as beautiful as this one, all that have something to do with this emotion i've been ranting about. Very pleasing music, and lyrics. So why are so many pieces dedicated to this theme? In indian movies, definitely because every story revolves around the romance, or the to-be romance. Even if it doesn't, there has to be a romantic track in the plot for sure. But what about english albums? Rock/pop/blues/hip hop anything! Maybe its the easiest to write about? Or maybe because its one of the most important things that happens in a person's life? Is it? Or because its a feeling that is capable of leading to a number of other feelings - happiness/pain/blah?

Ok, i don't know. The bottomline is, we still enjoy it. And we're not going to stop listening to it, even though we know its sort of over rated. Seems like an anticlimax? Was i supposed to announce to the world that no more love songs should be made, and that people better start concentrating their music and lyrics on the million other things around them? Yeah right, like anyone's going to listen to me. So i'm not complaining. I dedicate this post to one song (i know we usually dedicate posts or anything to people, but...). A song that describes what it feels like to be in love, but describes nothing about the girl, pretty much unlike alot of tamil songs. A song that has music that is capable of lifting you up from the dumps and making you smile. Lovely lyrics (I'm just not able to find out who wrote the lyrics! God bless him/her!). Its one song that makes me happy, eternally. Its already been mentioned on this blog before.

Vizhiglin Aruginil Vanam,from the movie Azhagiya theeye. Composed by Ramesh Vinayagam


Its got quite an adorable video too...with Prasanna, who i think has an awesome pair of black/brown eyes. Maybe the best i've seen, which i realised thanks to Kanda Naal Mudhal...lots of close up shots! But lets not get to all that now ;)

You can find the song, with the lyrics here. Last on the list.

"Irudhayame thudikiratha...
thudipadhupol, nadikiratha..."

Yours " Oh yeah!" Ly
Signing off...

Thair Sadam

Statuotary Warning - The following piece contains an unfair amount of the tamil language for an (apparently) english post. Those who fear comprehension, may stop right here. To those of you who do understand tamil, beware, your stomach might just grumble a little louder than usual ;-)

My hippocampus is still alive with the memory of my mom and our neighbour aunty packing thair sadam and elumchampazham sadam (lemon rice) on one of our trips to some national park in Kenya when i was around 4 or 5...the bond between thair sadam and me (actually, every tamilian) goes back a long way! But never did i realise its
significance till a few years back. Infact, there was a time i'd just not like the look of it. However, as the years flew by, i realised no dish really imparts the satisfaction of having eaten thair sadam, not too pulippu, preferrably thallichufied (i dont know how to translate that, sorry!), with something to go with it. The exact scene that's playing in my head right now is this - My mom used to give my bro and I balls of thair sadam in our palms, so that we couldn put it into our mouths by ourselves when we were kids. She'd make a kuzhi (hole) in the rice, and fill it with a few drops of sambar/some kozhambu, and we'd adachufy (stuff) the whole thing into our mouths, making our cheeks wet with the curd, and giving ourselves white meesais!The last vaai (mouthful) was always called the yaanai-kutty-vaai (baby elephant mouthful!), because it'd be extra small! (back then, we were innocent of the superstition that the one who gets the last mouthful is blessed with a good spouse! See my mom is a very wise woman, she knew what to teach kids, and what not to!). *sigh* feels like that incident happened in another age, in someone else's life now!

Now getting on with life... and this post! The best thing about thair sadam is that it can be eating with almost anything! Salty or sweet, bitter or otherwise! Here are some combos i love and don't really love so much...

(for convenience, i'm going to call thair sadam TS)

TS + Urga (pickle) - This has to come first in the combos, most definitely because it is one of the most heavenly combinations on earth! My personal favourite is aavakai urga, though alot of people prefer lemon, or garlic, or ginger! Nothing to beat aavakai, that too from my periamma's house!

TS + Mor molagai/vepala katti - If you're a tamilian, and don't know what either mean, i suggest you consult your paati! I rate both these equally with thair sadam. Though i'm sure my bro would go in for the former. Aah i can almost taste it!! Damn!

TS + some kozhambu - The kozhambu's can be - sambar, vethal kuzhambu, ara puli kozhambu, molagu kozhambu, porucha kozhambu, and the list goes on! For best outcome on the tongue, one must put a drop of kozhambu on the small amount of TS that is already on the fingers, ready to be taken into the mouth!

TS + Mambazham (mangoes) - This is my thatha's personal favourite, though i find the whole combination revolting!

Now to my favourites...

TS + Rasam - Ridiculous? Thats what alot of people think! They find it impossible to believe that i can eat thair sadam and rasam! Anyway, it appeals no end to my taste buds! Better if the rasam has alot of puli (tamarind) and tomatoes, and alot of kadugu (mustard)!

TS + Namutha appalam/chips - This again, people find weird. I've been a fan of namutha appalam (softened/non-crisp appalam) forever now! And i love its cloth like appearance and feel when its soaked in the TS and the slightly salty taste it imparts to the curd! *heaven* And chips also ofcourse...! Potato chips with TS :D :D

TS + Rasam + Appalam - This beats the above 2!

My stomach has got this funny mechanism...whenever i over-eat, i start hiccoughing! And most of the times, when my meal ends with the last combo, i end up holding my breath to stop my hiccoughs! Such be my fondness for the king of all south indian dishes ;-)

You could add on more combos in the comments section!

Yours "TS the best of all"ly
Signing off...

Breathing...

Sept 1 - Happy birthday mommy!!!

The past 2 weeks have been like holding breath under water... (though i have hardly ever done that!)...and today, i found my way back to the surface, followed the light, re-introduced oxygen into my lungs. Breathing again. Stopped racing. The marathon is over. The sad part being this marathon doesn't matter at all in the big picture. The big-picture-marathons dare me to step in and start running. And its like I'm sitting and watching them "boo" me, jeer, make fun...beckon. Still scared to enter the arena, and fight. But still, trying to make sure I'm not dragged in by force...Anyway, i stop here!

Lesson of the week - If you know you're in for yelai sapaadu at a kalyanam, cut your nails!

I dont grow my nails...unfortunately, they happened to be un-cut during my cousin's wedding last week. And i think i ended up eating more from the table than from the yelai, thanks to all the scratches and holes my nails made on the yelai! And ofcourse, i ended up with leaf-filled green nails after each meal! Like wearing a saree wasn't enough!

My posts are getting shorter. I'm not blogging as much as i'd like to. *sigh*

Yours "extremes.."ly
Signing off...

At music's pace...

Walking with music in your ears... :) There's something about it that makes me laugh. I find myself unable to walk at a faster or a slower pace than that of the music playing! Its like waltzing with music itself...if you try to hurry on, it pulls you back. If you try to lag behind, it beckons. Like its steering you with hands you cant see, keeping time with you, like one of those dances where you don't have to do anything because the person you're dancing with knows it all...you just have to be there and allow yourself to be steered, to be guided...And so your walk becomes a dance...your feet are confused whether to listen to your brain, or obey the ungiven orders that are being sung into your ears. And when one thinks of this just as it is happening, a broad smile infests the lower jaw, and refuses to leave for sometime...giving the people on the road a chance to contemplate one's madness.

This doesn't happen only during walks. There have been several occasions when my cousin has made fun of me for wiping the table at music's pace...fast or slow. *sigh*

Suk, hope that answered your doubt on 'at music's pace' :)

Raat ka shauk hai...
Raat ki sooni se...
Khamoshi ka shauk hai
Shauk hai...

Yours "Waltzing with music..."ly
Signing off...

The Prejudice

I might just have been walking out of a room, but i was Heidi running down the hill screaming peterrrrrr or running up the hill screaming grandpaaaa. My every step was like the fastest run i ever ran, and coming into the tubelight light was like greeting the morning sun, from darkness to light! I hoped that every centimetre i moved was equivalent to miles away from where i was. Miles away from the briefcases. Miles away from the pass books and cheque books and money talks. Such is my aversion towards bank business! I dont exactly know WHEN those briefcases started imparting this unpleasant feeling resembling biting-one's-lower-lip-in-rage, but it doesn't matter anymore, for its been long since the unpleasant feeling turned to torment, and torment to resigning one's fate to the necessities with no other way out!

I havent been able to explain my dislike for banks! I think its quite a compliment that my grandfather considers me old enough to discuss bank matters with me, but i sit through those sessions hoping they'd end the next minute! No offence to dearest thatha, he just wants me to learn. But the minute he calls me to his room, i dread pulling out those briefcases and listening to him murmur to himself, break his head, and finally decide which bill gets which cheque, from which account! Even though i do love looking at his face in that moment of victory when the big decision has been made! *sigh* Banks, are crowded, have long queues, people at the banks dont smile, they dont help, they dont care, and are far from how they're portrayed in advertisements, the "hum hain na - ICICI" types! Maybe i still dont understand the whole system, and that may be partly because i dont want to understand them! Do you know what you're doing divya? You're running away from one of the biggest responsibilities of life! How will you manage your money in the future? I do ask myself all that once in a while...but a smiling banker has to come by for that miracle to happen, and i do, with all my heart, await the day when i wouldn't have to sulk at the prospect of visiting a bank. After all, i do believe in miracles. :)

But having said all this...i'd also like to add...that signing cheques feels pretty cool ;-) Thats about the only thing i like about the whole business! No offence to any banker, its just a personal opinion, and more correctly stated - a Prejudice! Thus, a few months back, i came to the decision that the man who decides to endanger everything in his life by marrying me, fatefully or otherwise, will have to take care of all the bank deeds ;-) That, will be a criterion for the screening test, which has a few more criteria :D Its definitely not as bad as IITJEE :D

Anyone up to an argument? Or, anyone ready to convince me to change my mind? Try me!

Yours "The SBI couches are better than Indian bank ones, but the latter has better air conditioning!" ly
Signing off.....

Zendagi...Migzara, Smilingly

Life's weird. One longs for free time, but finds more bliss in work, and almost always wants to have something to do once free time plants itself in one's life. Isn't that weird? And here i am...apparently enjoying my holiday. Actually, i am. It's great to have something to do for a major part of the day, enjoy bike rides in the light drizzle, come back home to the people who are my source of entertainment and bliss, my laughs and hidden smiles, and enjoy the few hours of 'fursat'. The weirdness lies in the fact that my holiday is turning out to be much busier than my actual working days in college, but it is also, in some crazy way, more satisfying. Its like working in a true sense, for something whose outcome is definite, for something that you're going to earn, and something you've earned. Its satisfaction that one can only experience in seeing things happen the way they want it to happen. Maybe not quite, but something close to that.

And so time breezes past. Smilingly. Floatingly. Carries one with it, without letting realisation dawn upon the victim. It makes one smile for the smallest of things...laugh heartily for the silliest of things...its floaty bliss. I smile when thatha opens his father's day cards. I smile when paati sings 'kurai ondrum illai' to herself, hoping she means it. I smile when i remove my helmet to see strands of my hair strewn all over my face. I smile when i see the lights of an aeroplane from my bed, every 3 minutes. I smile when my mother calls herself a couch potato and complains about my dad not taking her out to buy groceries. I find those sessions immensely cute. I smile when my cousin calls me kutti divi. I smile when i have in my hand, hot bajjis from suriyas. I smile at paati's smile when she's holding my tea in her hand. I smile at 2 souls savouring orange kucchi ice, those smiles are definitely worth more than the 5 bucks spent on the orange kucchi ice. I smile when i deliberately switch on my parent's favourite songs. I smile at my psychic senses when i predict a power cut. I smile at my friend's craze on receiving her first captain Jack Sparrow poster. I smile at the longing i have for eggless chocolate cake that's baking in an oven thousands of miles away.

Thats alot of smiles :) This has been a different holiday. A holiday in which - i have not been stuck (read : addicted) to the computer - chatting, or watching movies, I havent had a chance to feel alone-ness or loneliness, I've had quite a perfect balance... between work and play, racing against time and floating along, realisations and non-realisations, regretting and being thankful, waiting and forgetting how it feels to be waiting, music...and silence. Maybe this is just the greener side. But hell, its greating just looking at things this way! Jab mile thodi fursat, khud se
karle mohabbat.

Yours "waiting, and forgetting how it feels to be waiting"ly
Signing off...

Battle field of sorts!

UPADTE 16/6/07 - Happy birthday, dear bro :) Have fun! Have a great year ahead.

Frankie had come to be an integral part of her home. They bumped into each other in the middle of the dining room, kitchen, and she almost even kicked him once. He scared her a little, but he couldn't really help that. Maybe she scared him too. He had duties to satisfy, he couldn't live without the essentials...they almost always bumped into each other when he was just about to relish his meal. And he'd always succeed in scaring her, making her run and yell. Frankie had his own gang of friends, or brothers should we say? And they believed utterly on healthy competition! Or so it would seem. So she watched, as her home transformed, each night, into something she always detested. Where can one better understand Darwin's concept of 'survival of the fittest'? He was a genius indeed!

Frankie. Blancho. Blackie. 3 names that rule the dining room of our humble abode every night. Maybe you already guessed who they are (some of you already know!). Those 3 names, i bestowed upon the regular dining-room lizards in our house! Yeah, you read absolutely right. Lizards. One of my friends asked me why I didn't hold a naming ceremony, like the one i had for my football (which by the way is ignored so totally at the moment, and he's quite snug behind the television cabinet! God know's how he rolled down to there!). I told her i figured it would be quite difficult to make crowns for lizards, and even more difficult to get them to wear the crowns! So i skipped the elaborate procedure ;-) After all, i dont think lizards are worth pasta, footballs definitely are! The names came spontaneously. Talk about the weird things we do during exams...this is definitely one of them for me! So as soon as i decided the names, i called my mother to the dining room one fated night, when 2 lizards were crouching towards their prey (the coackroaches! sheesh!). And i told her they're going to have names. She gave me the oh-my-God-not-again look, and went back to her bed. The next day when i woke up, the first lines i heard came from her...she said, "Frankie karthala gudu gudu nu tharai la odindu irundhudhu" (Frankie was running across the floor in the morning!). I laughed so hard that moment! And i asked my mother how she knew if it was frankie or blancho! And the description she gave me made me laugh even more...! It all meant that she actually paid attention to me at the casual naming ceremony, where i thought she was wondering what gets into me once in a while. Well, frankie's a shade lighter than Blancho, and is almost translucent! Blancho's bigger, darker and has a fatter tail! There goes!

I always wanted to blog about the lizards at home. They have the most annoying mannerisms! They have no fear whatsoever! They're not even scared of the humans of this house! They have this very very annoying habit of walking right across the floor exactly when one is walking, so that one has to make a significant effort to try to avoid stepping on them! YUCK! And one of them managed to brush against my toes once... :( They have stopped responding to vibrations and reverberations on the floor... which means that even my half-bharatanatyam walk, stamping my foot quite hard on the floor, doesn't make them budge! All it does is invite comments from my mother... "dance kathuka sollumbodhu kathukama ipo yedho thaiyya thakka nu aadindu iruka!" *sigh* Thus be the sad plight of the crazy one who dwells in the land of lizards and coackroaches. Thats what our home is turned into after 11pm everyday. How these creatures have such an amazing sense of time so as to torture only ME and no one else in the family is incredible. How they come out into the open only after the non-lizard-fearing section of the house retires to sleep remains on my list of eternally unanswerable questions!

We now have peacock feathers on our walls. Apparently the reptiles are scared of peacock feathers. It actually worked... thats why the regular liz's came down to 3! Looks like these 3 were the fittest that survived, and perhaps gained immunity to the feathers or something else that's beyond the understanding of my highly irritated brain! Meanwhile, the squirrel returned to our balcony and made me take off the swing for a second time... But well, Zendagi Migzara - Life goes on!

I dedicate this post to Nilesh (haha!) and Lavanya ;-) Who gave me the most entertaining evening in months! Thanks to the lizards. Of course Nil might have a different opinion altogether! I totally understand Nil!

Yours "frankie's got only half a tail now"ly
Signing off...

On Ammas, Paatis and mappilais ;-)

UPDATE 9/6/07 - Happy birthday Visu!!! (my cousin) And Sathya uncle! :) Hope you have a great day! And... Happy birthday, Johnny Depp :D We're still waiting for Shantaram, and pirates 4! :P


This post is a little late. But I'm glad i got down to putting it up anyway! It was my Paati's 70th birthday on the 31st of May :) And i so love her! So well, Happy birthday paati!!!! :D For the past few months...I've been realising how easy it is to make people happy, yet we hardly ever do it. Sad thing. So i'm on a 'lets make people happy' marathon, so dont be surprised if i make u smile ;-), and don't wonder why. Just be happy!

My paati is such a sweetheart, she allows me to play around. I put a party hat on her head on her birthday and made her pose for a snap :) Thats what you can see below. On another occasion, i made her wear a santa cap! Its very rare that each time you look at someone you're living with, you smile a nice, wide, happy smile. I don't recall doing it with anyone else but her. Whether she's passing by my room, or calling me for tea, or just happens to look my way from the television, there's always a smile. There are 2 smiles. Its a great feeling when I think about it now. Another thing i find immensely cute - If i keep playing a song repeatedly on the pc, she picks it up and starts humming it. The cutest on the list are Dus bahane, andan kaka kondai kaari and nila kaigirathu! Long live paati! Hope my kids get to relish her kothamalli thoagayal...and rasam! And alot of other things :)

Something that made me laugh no end a while back. I sent my mother a photo of myself and the Capt. Jack sparrow poster at satyam. She said its nice. And then i told her thats her future mapillai and told her he's the one i'm going to marry! Read for yourself, and laugh!

ramansumathi: good photo

Divs: hehe howz johnny depp?

ramansumathi: i am not bothered abt him, i saw only my daughter

Divs: oh but your daughter wants to marry him

Divs: so see your mapillai

ramansumathi: fool

Divs: hehe kaai ko tension mataji, johnny has 2 kids

ramansumathi: mad girl

ramansumathi: dont even say for fun

Divs: mom chillll... apdiye neenga kalyaman panni vechuduvel illai

Divs: ammmmaaaaaa paaaaaaaaaah u cant even take a JOKE?

ramansumathi: i know my daughter

Divs: wat abt your daughter?

ramansumathi: she wont do such silly things

Divs: hehe like wat? marry johnny depp?!

Divs: he's not available mom, he has 2 kids

ramansumathi: ok, leave that now

Divs: amma no tension!!!! pah pah i cant play also with u peacefully

WHEW! it takes quite a bit of convincing! Am not marrying him amma!

Yours "Aint she so cute with the cap?"ly
Signing off....

xerox

My nights are becoming sleepless...
My days are becoming useless...
So i asked God... "is this love?"
God said...
"idiot, your semester exams are nearing!"

Its that time of the year... you get the same text msgs on your cell... but they always make you smile. You'd have read the same sms' before your exams the previous sem, hardly 4 months back, still, anything that jokes about your present situation, makes you smile! That, was one such!

From very keen analysis, I presented some very useful results to my fellow classmates, struggling and broken hearted! I told them all... that since our STUDY holidays began, the most commonly used word happens to be xerox, and the most commonly used phrase happens to be God save or Kadavul daan kapathanum! I don't think i need to to talk abt what response i got! :D Considering i spent 500 Rs on paying up pending xerox bills...and that reminds me that one of my classmates keeps saying "its not xerox, its photocopy! Xerox is just a company!!". But well, we all stick to xerox! So maybe the scope for English language within our circle is quite limited to very few words and phrases before, and during exams! Of course another very commonly used word now happens to be HEAT! And the same heat is blamed for anything and everything that goes worng... "I slept for 3 hours, damn the heat!", "I'm feeling so hungry/thirsty/bored/groggy/looney/, damn the heat!" *sigh*

You do weird things during study holidays. Example? I watched the ManU vs Chelsea EPL match, just because i heard ManU were going to lift the cup after the match. I didn't watch the whole match, but i watch the 2nd half. Just to see them lift that cup and see the smiles and the euphoria... but what happened? It was 2.30am, and the match got over, and 2nd half analysis started, and there was no cup. And when i said "you made me stay awake to see them lift it, where's the cup?", i was told "You got to watch a good match man!" LIKE HELL! Whoever was responsible for that...you definitely know you're being talked about :P I just felt like mentioning it!! :D I'll remember that incident for as long as i can!

There you go... boring sessions, trying-to-study sessions, lets-get-rid-of-boredom-by-thinking-up posts-for-the-blog sessions... a week more, before the adrenalin rush. So in our own style i say... God save!

And.. wish me luck please!

Last thing... Vinay, For you in blue, Happy birthday! For May 12th. Have a great day, and a lovely year ahead. Play loadsa football! And one more wish... Sandhya's mom... Happy birthday aunty! Hope you liked all the stuff your daughter made you, am sure she enjoyed doing it all without studying ;-) Ok sand, chill!

Yours "Need training on how to waste time?Contact ME!"ly
Signing off....

Brighter than Sunshine

UPDATE 7/5/07 - Happy birthday Sukanya, and Anupama!!!!!!!!!! :D Hope both of your have a great day :) And a wonderful year ahead.... Suk, may we have more football discussions, and other discussions :) Have a blast!

The few things in summer that i look forward to... We all hate the heat and the sweat... but there's a greener side :)


The yellow light that appears in our dining hall wall every morning at sunrise... :) Its been one big inspiration for my photography! And alot of time pass with my coffee/chocolate mug! And.. i love photos of shadows...

Flaming peepal trees. Well, its not so flaming in this picture, but they look alot redder than that! I like to call them 'tress on fire'! *lame* right! I could stare at them for eternity. And did you know the speciality of the peepal tree... Every leaf swings by itself in the wind... they don't swing as a branch. So the next time you see this tree, try and notice...if its all sunny, the tree looks like its glittering because each leaf is on its own.

The tendrils... :) I've been in this city for quite a few years, but i started to notice these tendrils only 2 years back. They're lovely...they come from trees you wouldn't give a second look any other month of the year. Nature... *sigh*

The view from our house balcony! The pink flowers :) Whose name i still don't know! Its famous among my relatives... they make it a point to visit us just to see the tree :)

More from the balcony! The May Flower tree... the Gulmohar. On fire...orange flame!

Aah... the yellow and green mix. They look better when sunlight is filtering through them, which means you'd have to look at them from right below the tree. And this particular place, oryza, by itself is a nice building. During summer, the tree adds to the beauty!

MANGOES! :) But there's been a conspiracy this year! They're not tasting good :( Damn the export market!

Yelaneer. Tender coconut water. And the tender coconut too! And i love the way they use the 'aruvaal' to cut it open. Some skill! I'm always half scared they're going to chop their hands... i like it even better when the yelaneer splashes onto your face when they're cutting it! Yayy!

Watermelon :) Yumm.

I hate the heat :( But its better than floods. Anyway, These...are things other than sunshine that brighten up summer days :) Thus, i welcome summer, gracefully. And i hate my colllege and the uni for making us write exams in baking summer! And worse, studying for them! argh! Which reminds me, i have study holssss!

PS : Suk, we could always continue the comments on the prev post. I'm loving them! :)

Yours "there are some cool things about summer"ly

Signing off...

The small nothings... (really?)

There are some things in life which you know you can make happen...but they just don't happen. All they need is a little push from YOUR side. But No...they seem like those unrealised dreams which you think will remain only dreams forever. Whether this applies to anyone who is reading this right now or not, it applies to me, period. My list is not too big. A part of the list, i know can happen if i want it to...but there are always a few things you can never tell for sure... I have decided not to categorize my list definitely for people to know! Ofcourse some things will be obvious... the 50-50 ones --> Keep guessing :) Yeah right, like thats the most interesting thing to do! I'll start... So finally, the nut who gets high on air, tells the world her silly and not-so-silly wishes she may or may not have the power to see become real!

Which one do i start with? God!

• To go with the mood of the day - I want to be in a music concert of a musician/singer i love, i listen to alot, whose lyrics i could scream out even if i were woken up in my sleep, who would really make me scream out my lungs and jump real high, whose music i can relate to! I say this because i've been in a few carnatic music concerts, but none of the above necessary apply. I'm not saying i'm a no-no for carnatic, i like it too, but in a different way...but this has to be the way i want it! I've already missed enough and regretted.Waiting for the day!
• I want to see, touch, play with, play in, feel the white-ness of...snow :) Preferrably during christmas time! (i've defintiely mentioned this before). I still don't know why... Maybe it just looks so beautiful. Like a balance of dullness and brightness that appeals to the senses.
• I want to whistle in the theatres. I'm working on it ;-)
• I want to satisfy every aspect of the desires my parents have for me for atleast a day... and i mean the small term ones, not the long term. Ofcourse I want to satisfy the long term ones too... but as of now, the daily ones.
• I want to learn how to play tha violin :) and lately, the piano too!
• Ironic and silly as this may seem... i want to be capable of having an answer to my brother's eternal question "what should i get you from here?" because "nothing" has started to bore the both of us a great deal.
• I want to learn to cook as well as my mother, and my grandmother (peraasai thaan, yenna panardhu!)
• I want to make a trip anywhere for a few days with just friends... preferrably Kenya :D Ok, on a more practical note, anywhere around here....
• I might as well add... i want to take the guy i marry to one particular place in Kenya :)
• I want to be at a first day, first show of a movie i've been dying to watch!
• I want some shield that'll prevent me from thinking of the uncertainities in life! The maybe's and the maybe-not's! Well, work sometimes happens to be the best shield! None the less, i'd like a shield when i'm vetti ;-)
• I want to get a proper haircut!!!!!!!

Ok thats not really eveything.... its the comparitively smaller things :) The bigger things ofcourse...are a mission! There, i'm open to judgement!

You could always leave your small list in the comments... we'd love to read them :)

Yours "If only...."ly

Signing off....

Alot of Crap

I'm going to make this a mixed post, although i'd have liked to take up each thing in a different post. I don't think i can elaborate too much, considering there are quite a few things i'd like to put in. Ok, i better start! Get prepared to yawn. If you're reading this, it means you don't have anything else to do! So yawning wouldn't be too bad ;-)

• You know how it feels to taste victory as a team? *heaven* The past few days has made me realise how important it is to play as many sports as possible when one is young! I thought of all the times when i had to play cricket by force, with my brother and the other guys around (i almost always miraculously happened to be the only girl!). I most definitely played more guy games than girl games! Climbed trees, and the likes! But well, i never really thought the cricket would come in handy till we lifted that cup today... :) Some victory! Medals, the trophy, faces tanned black and red, sour throats from screaming and teethy smiles! YAY!


• Sometimes prayer is magical. Magical in a way that one has never experienced before. When i first saw my juniors last year, i realised why seniors feel like ragging juniors! Every single thing they did seemed so irritating, and one had a strong urge to rag! But ofcourse that didn't happened. But the way they prayed before our matches...and made us pray...has opened up a new found respect for them, and their team spirit! And there's always the magic of silence...nothing but the whistle of the wind...and 15 pairs of eyes closed...


• I believe i was born on this earth for the sole purpose of eating, and eating alot! I love babycorn. And i love getting them off their covers as much as i love eating them. Ever noticed how remarkably smooth the fibre inside the cover is? If you haven't, you're missing one of nature's finest creations!


• Music is such an integral part of life... *sigh* I'm currently addicted to the song named 'Maula Mere' from the movie anwar. And...and...and... i've developed a new liking for the piano! An instrument that has never been too close to heart. I was always crazy about the violin, and still have plans of learning how to play it (yeah right!). Maybe i've just started noticing the small piano pieces here and there in songs... nice :)


• I'm hearing too many love stories nowadays. Real life. And its been a smooth realisation that cinema is inspired from real life! And real life is sometimes beyond things cinema portrays!


• Mira Nair is directing the Shantaram movie, and Big B is acting in it. :( :( :( Johnny Depp, are u reading this? :( :( Can't you pick a better caste?!


• I watched "Water" yesterday. A mixture of beauty and poignancy. A movie that gives you hope till the last 20 minutes... and ofcourse it'll make you wonder 'now, is that really John Abraham?!' Lisa Ray looks lovely. Brilliant perfomances by Seema Biswas and the kid, Sarala, as Chuhiya (I found the name immensely cute). And the song 'aayo re saki' seems so much more wow after watching the movie...the movie is worth watching for some very well placed, well shot, well written and aptly portrayed scenes :) A bold attempt - sensitive, humourous, romantic, hurt-ful, poignant...but beautiful.


• Lesson for the week - Do not read in between lines when all that is required is to read the lines alone!

Well, thats it! If you're not already sleeping, you could comment :)

Yours "A white so pure, life so ironic"ly

Signing off....

A 2 hour incident

UPDATE 15/02/07 - Happy birthday Anish! Have a great day, and a great year to come :)

They walk in, wearing the same colour, bags slung on their shoulders, their expressions un-readable. They make their way to the back of the room, perhaps in search of privacy from the chattering crowd, savouring food, having fun like a bunch of maniacs living the last day of their lives. They sit down, but not next to each other. He takes a seat at the rectangular table's longer side, and she at the shorter side. Their lines of sight intersect at a right angle. Silence seems like the preferred mode of communication for a while, or more than a while... She looks at him, he keeps his face straight, looking at the noisy group of girls right infront of him, perhaps wondering how people can still afford to be happy when his life seems like a road with way too many potholes...a road where enjoying a ride seems like a distant notion. She stares at him...at his unbelievable determination to not look her side...and then she looks away, perhaps with a mixed feeling of rage and guilt. She then pulls her bag up to the table, and places her head on the bag, her face down, as if in defeat. He finally looks at her...she doesn't move her head. He takes to looking outside the window above her head, where another gang sit on a parapet wall fooling around in the hot sun. The noisy group of girls were now getting louder with a video shoot..damn why did cellphones ever have to be invented?

She lifts her head, slightly relieved to see that he's changed the position of his head. She talks, like she's explaining something. He doesn't flinch. The expression on his face can now be clearly read as anger, and hers, apology mixed with anger. She continues to talk...he says something, and turns his head back to the group of girls, the anger and her words bringing tears to his eyes. They reverse postitions...he puts his head down, she stares straight ahead. Tired of looking at his lowered head, she begins to read. Out of the silence and the strained atmosphere, she hears a voice. She looks up to see a friend enquiring in a genuinely concerned tone whether everything's ok. She tells him its all fine, and he shrugs and walks away. He lifts his head after a while and she closes her book...she talks again. Her hands move...slapping the air in various directions...as she tries to prove her point, convince him, explain to him. The strands of her hair that escaped being tied back,dance on her forehead as she shakes her head vigorously in argument. He begins to talk, his face displaying pain as it could never be described, holding back tears. She fights back, making him remove the glasses that rested on his nose and place 3 fingers of his right hand on his closed eyes...She walks out on him. He sits there alone, his half grown beard complementing the eyes glistening with held-back tears, and his expression. The girls at the table infront of him are now busy almost breaking their juice glasses shouting cheers!


Just as he puts on his glasses, resigning himself to any fate, she walks back in with another couple. She sits next to him. Was the argument over? The foursome speak. The couple that joined them joke around a little. She looks at him for a long moment, and then places her head on his shoulder. He can't understand her, but he smiles. He smiles a big smile, with all his teeth, and pushes her head off his shoulder in mischeif. They both smile giving their faces an expression that seemed impossible a few minutes ago. Her kohl filled eyes also glisten with tears as she looks at him now, maybe feeling blessed to have ever met him, and to have him by her side till whenever... He looks at her smiling, seeming happy, but maybe wondering what it is in her that makes every argument so short lived, and why on earth looking into those kohl filled eyes and dancing strands on her face gave him such satisfaction. The noisy group of girls slowly lined out of the table infront of them.

Having witnessed this 2 hour drama, i have a question - Are relationships worth it all?

This topic is open for discussion ;-)

Yours "Some observation that"lySigning off...

Sinful Something

Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate!

Hmm... i just came across that very recently, and it led to the triggering of such wonderful signals in my nerves, that i felt like i was eating chocolate, tasting it when my tongue had nothing but saliva, smelling it when there was nothing around but the smell of a rotting black banana (which i just chucked btw). Every occasion in my house has been graced by the presence of chocolate cake, God knows why the other flavours were never given a chance! (well am very sure that its because i invariably bought the cakes, and i always wanted to eat chocolate!). I don't know what it is about chocolate....but the taste of melting chocolate on my tongue always makes me say 'heaven' once i'm done swallowing it!

And then there's this other thing about chocolate. I love licking molten chocolate off my fingers! I know so many people who find that utterly disgusting and unhygenic, but to me, its just yum! And because i love doing this, i give dairy milk chocolate bars enough time to melt away to liquidity in my bag and then open them on the bus journey back home...and then lick the chocolate with alot to stare at out of window (including sunsets and cloud patterns, nice buildings and dirty water - colours green and brown). Thats what i call the perfect journey home.

Single pieces of cake, with single candles always make it into the house on birthdays. And there's this bliss one gets out of getting just one bit of that cake. Somehow seems more satisfying than having a whole, big, round cake saying happy birthday blah sitting infront of you! I started writing this post because there's a new bakery that's come up very close to my house... and its called "Sinful something". I loved the name, but i'm yet to check it out. The fat lady behind the counter looks like she does half the eating when she's baking, but she looks very pleasantly plump, like how a chocolate cake seller should be :D Ok, i don't know what that was supposed to mean.

Anyway, this is a tribute to Barista's chocolate excess (still cant thank nidhee and nanya enough for getting me those for my birthday!) And Java green's Death by chocolate, which i eat more often than any other chocolate cake! And well, i love brownies too! :D And maybe i should also say its a tribute to the movie Chocolat. The chocolate in that movie is so mouth watering, and so lovely looking, that it makes you yearn for chocolate to touch your tongue! I remember pausing the movie, getting a bar of mars, and then continuing it. *sigh* well, not to leave out the fact that Johnny Depp so rocked :D Now you know why i watched it in the first place! ;-)

Ok, quite a useless post. But well, what's blogging for?

Yours "Now i feel like eating chocolate cake, dont u?"ly
Signing off.....

A Few Hours' Musings

There are some phases in life that can be extremely frustrating. Phases where you question alot of things knowing very well that the answers will remain in hiding for a very long time...but that doesn't really stop you from asking. You're asking yourself after all...so no big consequence to anyone at all. Except that living in doubt can cross the 'mystery in life' quotient sometimes and begin to eat into your head...

Ok please ignore me. I am having study holidays, and any person who has been reading this blog from day 1 would know what my posts are like during this period! They get crazier. Out of the fact that you are given holidays to study, but end up with some futile attempts, and finally arrive at the 'atleast i tried' phrase. The idea of giving one such long study holidays i believe is to make one study out of guilt of having wasted a good many days. You waste, you regret, the tension builds,you study. Not too bad a system eh? You do end up studying after all! Not so easy actually...

I just opened my books again after a 9 hour break ;-) Yes you read that right, 9 hour. Don't ask me for how long i studied before that! Anyway, after a good nine hours (in which i did alot of things from attending paatu class (music class), to watching 'sleepless in seattle') i opened my book again, and that led to alot of thinking that had nothing to do with genetic engineering. I thought about my paatu class... and about how its taken me so many years to appreciate the beauty of carnatic music. I silently thanked my mother for forcing me to attend my classes when i hated them. I've been learning since i was around 9 years old! And then there was some discontinuing in the middle...and then got back...and somehow today, i did something i've never done before. I asked my teacher to sing me a song. The one she started teaching me, one of my mother's favourites (so, i'm learning it for her!)...i wanted her to sing the whole song. And when she did, i almost cried...there are some voices you want the whole world to hear and be proud of, but when you realise it may not happen after all, you feel blessed to have heard it yourself. One such voice belongs to my teacher, a great woman. I'm not saying this out of sheer admiration for her voice, but the no.of things she has had to face in life. And so the Yamuna Kalyani came out as an ocean of melody, with so much feeling, so much life and love for music, such lightness, completeness, perfection, so much devotion that if Lord Krishna was listening, he'd have cried too. God bless her.

Then there's "sleepless in Seattle". A movie whose trailer i just happened to see... and decided to watch the movie after seeing a Tom Hanks - Meg Ryan combo on screen. I can never forget 'you've got mail'. I know some of you must be snorting at the so typically girly choice of movies...but hell, they're feel good, and i like them. "Sleepless..." was one of those movies that just carries you away and makes you believe anything possible, because of the way it seems very natural, with normal people, normal lives. But once the movie's done, you feel like you're snapping out of a dream...there's going to be no magic, no meeting on top of empire state builiding, no tom hanks!! If am lucky enough, maybe the guy of my mom's choice will look smart, wear glasses and be sensible enough ;-) So get on with life and tend to your books! First things first...

But no, instead of studying, i type out this post. With the song my teacher sang ringing into my ears in Bombay Jaishree's voice. With flashes of Meg Ryan's lovely eyes and Tom Hanks' casual manner running through my mind...and the questions flood back. Question your purpose in life, question your reason for existense, question the future, question some things you're sure you do not want answers for because it'll definitely make things worse, question your own life, and the things it stands for today. There may be answers. But you prefer to keep them with yourself... as i've heard "Knowing is the easy part.Saying it out loud, is the hard part" There's another phrase...

There are 2 great days in our lives. One in which we were born, and the other, when we come to know why. - William Barclay

We are born for different reasons. There are days when i think i was born to be the sole admirer of every sunset that the earth gives me...and there are other days when i think i was born to eat! And there are days when i think i was born for some other things... The purpose of this life may be discovered a little late, but will be discovered all the same... and there's always time. Time'll take care of it all... :) Thats the hope we live in. Hope can be the best, and the worst.

And so i pray...when i'm at a loss of words even to pray, there's a song i love...its called praarthnaa. By Euphoria. And Palash sen's voice spells the words out...i don't know how many times this song has brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad i did not count. Thank Heaven's for lyrics! A few lines...

Dil kisika dhukhakar khushi chahoon na
sirf apne liye zindagi chahoon na
haan tujse mein chahoon yahin, kya hai ghalath kya sahi, bhooloon na...
hai yahi praarthna...

Gham ke baadal jo chaaye, ghabraoon na...
aarzoon ke ho saaye, dar jaaoon na..
tujko ho vishwas mujpe, aur isse zyada me tujse chahoon na
hai yahi praarthna...

On that note...

Yours "Musings in madras"ly
Signing off...

More to 'tying the knot' than you think!

They say...marriages are made in heaven. True. But lets just rephrase that a little to read,not marriages, just the 'couples' are ,made in heaven. Now i can suddenly visualise our dear God sitting and making 'poruthams' between a girl and a guy, something that josiars do again, just incase ;-). Now that we're settled on just 'couples' are made in heaven, shall we discuss where marriages are made? Marriages...are made in huge, noisy, decorated,over-crowded kalyana mandapams, or marriage halls should we say, where one can easily get lost, or easily get caught in the claws of some good ol' maami who wants to know your age for some devious reason! And point to be noted - the maami will always hold your wrist! Maybe because she knows you're waiting to run away in the first OPPORTUNE MOMENT (now do you know where i got that from!) hmmm, wicked! Oh just ignore me! I have attended 2 marriages, 2 days in a row! One was a family friend's, and i knew i had to go, but the second...believe it or not, was my grand-dad's sister's son's wife's elder sister's daughter's marriage! I am definitely not kidding you! Let me be truthful, i go there for the food! And imagine my plight when both kalyanams had the SAME Goddam menu! SAME STUFF! How unfortunate? I was starting to hope i had paati's rasam sadam for dinner! Only the dessert was different, and well, dessert is never my area, so *sad*! There are some things that i just HAVE to point out about these weddings... aah, am loving this! A typical tamil, brahmin marriage (reception) will have the following features, without fail :

1.A loooong queue waiting to congratulate the bride and groom. SO long that you would prefer the queue at sathyam cinemas because there, atleast you get to watch a movie after the queue! Here, you'll go and say congratulations, and neither the bride nor the groom will recognise you, but they'll be all super sweet and say thanks so much for making it, and then we, the extremely glad people, will have a teeth show for the flashes!Point to be noted - the mamas and maamis standing infront of you in the queue will invariably HUG their gifts like someone's waiting to grab it and present it as their gift! And i always feel like saying "Maami, pattu podavai kasangida pordhu, paathu!"(your silk saree is going to get ruffled up!)

2.Music. Or thats what its called most of the time. It generally means having this famous, or not-so-famous carnatic vocalist singing her/his throat off, when she/he is nothing but IGNORED. All you have is a few thathas or mamas sitting in the first row and pretending to listen, but promptly clapping after every song gets over. WHY do they have to put themselves through this? OR you have something called a LIGHT music 'orchestra' that makes such heavy music that the vibration seems to penetrate right to your stomach and make you feel like you could do with a puke! Their base gets inside you! Its just too loud for the hall...oh damn. It doesn't matter if you are sitting 100 miles from the speaker, it just reverberates! And it feels like you're walking into a one way street called deafness!

3.FOOD. THE issue! People like my thatha always aim for the 1st 'pandhi' and wont leave without drinking 2 payasams! And he's very proud of it :D But well, the trend seems to be changing. Receptions no longer have "yellai sapadu" (on banana leaves) , with the traditional rice with one karandi of ghee, and the payasam and vadai. Thats just for lunch! Receptions have what they call BUFFET (read:painful system where you don't know whether to concentrate on putting the food into your mouth without embarassing yourself, or holding the plate without pouring its contents onto the pattu saree of the aunty almost sticking to you in the crowd!"!) With north indian cuisine, chaat, bandha dessert. Yesterday for instance, the dessert was grand. There was ras malai, srikhand, carrot halwa, and vanilla icecream with chocolate sauce optional! What the hell is one expected to eat! I settled for the first and the last :D And you'll definitely have the famous line - "Shaaptela mama?"!caution - if there's ever a paneer sabzi on the menu, please be satisfied with eating the gravy, because the paneer cubes, tempting though they may look, are either never cooked, or too hard to bite and so unfair on my braced teeth! Am i a foodie or what! sapaduraami!

I could go on forever...with the pattu podavais and jewellery and the 'Oh nee avarodu ponna, ivaroda pethiyaa's and the 'divya vaa idhu? ipdi valandhutaale!"s and meeting up with some distant people you've never heard of, and mind you, it will never ever be some smart looking chap that you can have a time pass conversation with! The latest trends in weddings - youngsters who are forced to attend - Laugh at the cellphone, message till their fingers fall out, seem BUSY! Maybe i shouldn't be talking about that? I was doing exactly that! No other choice you see! and trend 2 is with the brides... don't know what happened to doing some cool hairstyles...Its just hair let lose, falling down. And its almost always artificially straightened. Come on brides! Do something different ;-) And... my paati's sly questions when one is getting dressed for the ocassion are not to be missed...what fuss she makes on jewellery! The more the fuss, the more i feel like not wearing the stuff...lol. Her line - "oru kalyanathuku pona, naalu per varuva ma, idhalaam potukanom!" My line -"Paati, yenaka kalyanam?" She - "Solardhu kelu ma!" So much for being a girl!!

Now this doesn't mean that when you invite me for your wedding, i will whine like this before coming. NO. Attending weddings of people you know personally is a very nice experience...it makes me happy. It makes me so happy, i can never explain. When one of my relatives got married, i almost cried when the thaali was being tied...its such a moment u know...:) and suddenly, i understood why mothers and fathers cry after that moment. Its such a bittersweet moment. Its lovely.

So i'd like to end by saying, am looking forward to having a good time at your wedding ;-)and i'll definitely do a post on it! :D

PS: for those of you who had a prob with the tamil lines, pl ask! Just din have the patience to translate, am sorry... :) (i think thats only for nik!)

Yours "why don't one of you just get married?"ly
Signing off...