Oh yeah!

There are so many things that happen in life...so many phases, so many emotions that waltz with the mind. Yet, people chose to sing of love. And we don't seem to get bored of it. I'm not saying that other emotions, or situations, are totally ignored...Its just that, if theres a movie with 6 songs, 2 would probably centre around friendship, family, death or sheer fun/dabankoothu, while the other 4 will have something to do with the onset of love, descriptions of the girl/boy, or dreams of either, or when the love borne in the hearts of the protagonists is finally getting a name that society approves of with no qualms - marriage, or heartbreak, which ofcourse is very directly involved with love itself. Its very rare that vairamuthu writes a song like "Katrin mozhi", and that's because its not what is asked for. There are 5 other songs in that movie- mozhi(i'm not fond of the 6th one!)-which are as beautiful as this one, all that have something to do with this emotion i've been ranting about. Very pleasing music, and lyrics. So why are so many pieces dedicated to this theme? In indian movies, definitely because every story revolves around the romance, or the to-be romance. Even if it doesn't, there has to be a romantic track in the plot for sure. But what about english albums? Rock/pop/blues/hip hop anything! Maybe its the easiest to write about? Or maybe because its one of the most important things that happens in a person's life? Is it? Or because its a feeling that is capable of leading to a number of other feelings - happiness/pain/blah?

Ok, i don't know. The bottomline is, we still enjoy it. And we're not going to stop listening to it, even though we know its sort of over rated. Seems like an anticlimax? Was i supposed to announce to the world that no more love songs should be made, and that people better start concentrating their music and lyrics on the million other things around them? Yeah right, like anyone's going to listen to me. So i'm not complaining. I dedicate this post to one song (i know we usually dedicate posts or anything to people, but...). A song that describes what it feels like to be in love, but describes nothing about the girl, pretty much unlike alot of tamil songs. A song that has music that is capable of lifting you up from the dumps and making you smile. Lovely lyrics (I'm just not able to find out who wrote the lyrics! God bless him/her!). Its one song that makes me happy, eternally. Its already been mentioned on this blog before.

Vizhiglin Aruginil Vanam,from the movie Azhagiya theeye. Composed by Ramesh Vinayagam


Its got quite an adorable video too...with Prasanna, who i think has an awesome pair of black/brown eyes. Maybe the best i've seen, which i realised thanks to Kanda Naal Mudhal...lots of close up shots! But lets not get to all that now ;)

You can find the song, with the lyrics here. Last on the list.

"Irudhayame thudikiratha...
thudipadhupol, nadikiratha..."

Yours " Oh yeah!" Ly
Signing off...

*no subject*

It is the ones you like the most that you let go of...let them have it their way...bow out...and then, when your heart lights up with the memory of it, way into the years, you smile. Maybe you didn't do the right thing. Maybe you should have held on, displayed your stubborn-ness, the same stuborn-ness that disappears in the presence of a few. But no...if it wasn't the right thing to do, you wouldn't be smiling about it now. And ofcourse, there's always happiness in seeing them happy. Happier, perhaps. That, is the curious way in which the happiness inside the distorted head works. Quite marvellous sometimes. Painful sometimes. Giving some part of the mind a new lease on joy. Depriving another of the same. Laughing, but not really. Bitter-sweet. A battle you won, by losing. Where the victory exists, but not in your head. Loss or Gain? You know it for sure...but you secretly wish for an assymetrical slant towards the 'gain'. Maybe...

You let them go, you let them free, you make them happy, you're happy. Maybe thats selfish after all. There's something for everyone in everything that happens. Fringe benefits, or maybe, not.

Yours 'realisations of sorts' ly
Signing off...

In the dark

How does one handle the fear of becoming a nobody in life?
Of being dissolved into nothingness...
Of chosing the inappropriate course...
Of not being able to listen to one's heart well enough, because its not loud enough, and not being able to see the vision in one's mind clear enough, because its blurry...

Sometimes its just not enough how much ever you try. Maybe it never is. And its impossible to blame destiny, or anything or anyone else. Because you know theres something missing, and its too late to change it. And its not right to give up. But you feel like it. And then you're told its just the beginning...

If only...If only, i could hear that inner calling loud and clear. If only i could get myself to steer my ship myself, and in the right direction. If only this confused state of mind could disappear when i wake up tomorrow morning, and a new perspective, a new plan, could infest my mind and get me working. If only...

I've been told time and again that i do alot of thinking that almost always ends up in nothing. Maybe that is actually true. But what's there to execute when the thinking's not over? Or cant be over?

Yours"looking for the light"ly
Signing off...

Pulling the heart's strings

I am presently addicted to apple juice. Apple juice at midnight.Nice way to start the day dont you think? :)I was hooked to Friends (the sitcom), but i guess that wore off because i didn't have more of it to watch.

I like sad songs...slow-soft-sad songs.maybe they just evoke emotion more easily in me than happy songs do...and one really sad song i've been listening to over and over again is "take my heart back" by Jeniffer Love Hewitt. I think sad songs hit one harder if they have a particular context in a movie or something...atleast for me, its like that. You know exactly why that song was sung, or the tune was played, and all the sadness in the movie just infests your mind and strikes your heart.Of course its not always like that...theres always the lyrics which you can relate to
your own life...but lately, more than the lyrics of the song, its the movie situation that has succeeded in making me sad! And then there's the tune...some tunes don't even need words to tell you its a sad one. Reminds me of the time my music teacher was teaching us this particular song in kalyanavasantham ragam, and the whole atmosphere got so gloomy and sad...not like we understood the song...just the ragam and the tune...Its like this sick feeling in your stomach,this emptiness around...like sorrow just swallowed the whole world, and there's no coming out of it. Some sort of enchantment, but a sad one. There's so much beauty in that...when something no one can understand makes each person in the room feel the same thing. I guess that's what they call the language of music :D


I haven't been able to come out of my BGM craze, or my awe for Mani rathnam (if you scroll down, you'll notice my previous post had alot to do with both!). This time, the movie is Thalapathi. I was totally bowled over by the balance of each element in the movie...quite neatly done. Its like Mani Rathnam used some mathematical equation to calculate the proportion of each element, and got it all right, and beautifully. Theres the friendship, the mother-and-lost-son element, theres the right dose of romance, very aptly balanced with the rage and the helplessness coming out of that "unfulfillable" love, theres a good deal of violence (which i guess the movie needed),and there are the well placed songs composed by the maestro, illayaraja. Another thing i liked about the movie is the bond between the little girl (banupriya's daughter) and Rajnikanth.

The BGM that made me re-watch scenes this time was the violin version of the song "Sundari kannaal oru seydhi". Brilliant composition. It makes me feel like the violin is crying out...shobhana's eyes speak it all out...the yearning, the bittersweet acceptance...so its like the violin complements her eyes. And when you realise all the helplessness that's involved in that scene of lost love, its some sort of poignant beauty.

I'm not uploading the violin piece i'm talking about...partly because i think its complicated, and partly because i'm lazy. So if you'd like to listen to it, you can leave me a comment, and i'll mail it across.

And thus we indulge in music and movies, and small or big analyses of them, to help us forget the bigger things in life. To stop dwelling in things that require patience...on things that do not entirely lie at our mercy. After all, I've heard that to get out of difficulty, one must usually go through it!

Yours "This too...shall pass"ly
Signing off...

You're the rain, I'm a leaf!

I was telling one of my cousins yesterday that blogging about A.R.Rahman and Mani Rathnam has become so terribly cliched. Every other blog has a post raving about either of them, their work and their genius. But well, i guess alot of people do blog about them because they really rock...one sensible film maker, and one music genius. You know what's even better? The combination. When they work together on a project. And there, i'm finally blogging about them myself! But this is not because of how i'm totally in awe about their work (which i am actually, but that's a different issue!). So why has this post come up?

I happened to watch the movie Aayudha ezhuthu (pardon spelling errors if any) again, but only for the second time. All i could recall about the movie before i watched it again was this - I'd watched it in Mayajaal, after my dad bought tickets that i thought were grossly expensive, i was amazingly cranky and pissed off during the drive, and maybe that's because my brother refused to come with us, we ate some ridiculously dry vazhakai bajji in a small eat out before the movie, and it made me choke no end, my mother thought the movie was too violent and didn't like it,I totally loved the scene where surya is dismissed from college but he doesn't leave because all the students say they'll leave with him, I loved the way surya pushed bharatiraja out of his way in the last scene, and also liked the scene when trisha comes back from sivagasi. Ok i know i could recall more of what happened before the movie, than the movie itself! Maybe that's why i wanted to watch it again!

Anyway, to the point...i watched the movie, and liked it all over again. But this time, i noticed the finer details of the music that i may have noticed, but not gone back to, when i watched the movie in the theatre. The Background Music - the BGM. In the siddharth-trisha scenes. Lovely. Violins. Good dialogue + Good BGM = Scene that can be watched atleast 10 times on the same day ;-) Thats wat happened! But well... something quite funny just happened now. I'd been watching the movie with my cousin this morning, and we reached the part where sid doesn allow trish to leave the bus, and they sit there for a long time till the bus goes to the terminus and comes back to her stop. Theres a small song (a variation of hey goodbye nanba) in the background...I'd recorded the song in my mp3 player because i couldn't find it anywhere online. So i was telling him the lyrics go like this -

May mazhai Naan illai
Idhuku mel oru nilai
vidai kudu, pogrien
eeramai vazhgiren...

He gave me one look, and started laughing! Obviously there was something wrong with the lyrics...the lines didn't sound right! Things didn't add up... so he said he'll listen to it...and he laughed and laughed...because he thought the lyrics actually are...

Nee mazhai Naan Alai
Idhuku mel uravu illai
vidai kudu, pogiren
eeramai vazhgiren...

I laughed too. Mainly at his "when do we get rain in May?" question! But still, the eermai vazhgiren part didn't make sense... and then, the movie was playing on tv, and we were watching the same scene... and we realised...we got the first line wrong! It ACTUALLY is

Nee mazhai, naan yelai
Idhuku mel, uravu illai
vidai kudu, pogiren
eeramai vazhgiren...

Whew! And now, it finally makes sense!

Translation... (if u already understand the lyrics, please dont read this translation, it'll be terrible!)

You're the rain, I'm a leaf
We don't have any relationship beyond this
Say your farewell, I'll leave
And live in all Wet-ness! ;)

Anyway... its been an ayudha ezhuthu BGM week. Been listening to the same tunes, and watching the same scenes over and over again... some movie! If you want to check out the video of the song i've been ranting about... here

Yours "Vidai kudu...pogiren"ly
Signing off.....

Thair Sadam

Statuotary Warning - The following piece contains an unfair amount of the tamil language for an (apparently) english post. Those who fear comprehension, may stop right here. To those of you who do understand tamil, beware, your stomach might just grumble a little louder than usual ;-)

My hippocampus is still alive with the memory of my mom and our neighbour aunty packing thair sadam and elumchampazham sadam (lemon rice) on one of our trips to some national park in Kenya when i was around 4 or 5...the bond between thair sadam and me (actually, every tamilian) goes back a long way! But never did i realise its
significance till a few years back. Infact, there was a time i'd just not like the look of it. However, as the years flew by, i realised no dish really imparts the satisfaction of having eaten thair sadam, not too pulippu, preferrably thallichufied (i dont know how to translate that, sorry!), with something to go with it. The exact scene that's playing in my head right now is this - My mom used to give my bro and I balls of thair sadam in our palms, so that we couldn put it into our mouths by ourselves when we were kids. She'd make a kuzhi (hole) in the rice, and fill it with a few drops of sambar/some kozhambu, and we'd adachufy (stuff) the whole thing into our mouths, making our cheeks wet with the curd, and giving ourselves white meesais!The last vaai (mouthful) was always called the yaanai-kutty-vaai (baby elephant mouthful!), because it'd be extra small! (back then, we were innocent of the superstition that the one who gets the last mouthful is blessed with a good spouse! See my mom is a very wise woman, she knew what to teach kids, and what not to!). *sigh* feels like that incident happened in another age, in someone else's life now!

Now getting on with life... and this post! The best thing about thair sadam is that it can be eating with almost anything! Salty or sweet, bitter or otherwise! Here are some combos i love and don't really love so much...

(for convenience, i'm going to call thair sadam TS)

TS + Urga (pickle) - This has to come first in the combos, most definitely because it is one of the most heavenly combinations on earth! My personal favourite is aavakai urga, though alot of people prefer lemon, or garlic, or ginger! Nothing to beat aavakai, that too from my periamma's house!

TS + Mor molagai/vepala katti - If you're a tamilian, and don't know what either mean, i suggest you consult your paati! I rate both these equally with thair sadam. Though i'm sure my bro would go in for the former. Aah i can almost taste it!! Damn!

TS + some kozhambu - The kozhambu's can be - sambar, vethal kuzhambu, ara puli kozhambu, molagu kozhambu, porucha kozhambu, and the list goes on! For best outcome on the tongue, one must put a drop of kozhambu on the small amount of TS that is already on the fingers, ready to be taken into the mouth!

TS + Mambazham (mangoes) - This is my thatha's personal favourite, though i find the whole combination revolting!

Now to my favourites...

TS + Rasam - Ridiculous? Thats what alot of people think! They find it impossible to believe that i can eat thair sadam and rasam! Anyway, it appeals no end to my taste buds! Better if the rasam has alot of puli (tamarind) and tomatoes, and alot of kadugu (mustard)!

TS + Namutha appalam/chips - This again, people find weird. I've been a fan of namutha appalam (softened/non-crisp appalam) forever now! And i love its cloth like appearance and feel when its soaked in the TS and the slightly salty taste it imparts to the curd! *heaven* And chips also ofcourse...! Potato chips with TS :D :D

TS + Rasam + Appalam - This beats the above 2!

My stomach has got this funny mechanism...whenever i over-eat, i start hiccoughing! And most of the times, when my meal ends with the last combo, i end up holding my breath to stop my hiccoughs! Such be my fondness for the king of all south indian dishes ;-)

You could add on more combos in the comments section!

Yours "TS the best of all"ly
Signing off...

Breathing...

Sept 1 - Happy birthday mommy!!!

The past 2 weeks have been like holding breath under water... (though i have hardly ever done that!)...and today, i found my way back to the surface, followed the light, re-introduced oxygen into my lungs. Breathing again. Stopped racing. The marathon is over. The sad part being this marathon doesn't matter at all in the big picture. The big-picture-marathons dare me to step in and start running. And its like I'm sitting and watching them "boo" me, jeer, make fun...beckon. Still scared to enter the arena, and fight. But still, trying to make sure I'm not dragged in by force...Anyway, i stop here!

Lesson of the week - If you know you're in for yelai sapaadu at a kalyanam, cut your nails!

I dont grow my nails...unfortunately, they happened to be un-cut during my cousin's wedding last week. And i think i ended up eating more from the table than from the yelai, thanks to all the scratches and holes my nails made on the yelai! And ofcourse, i ended up with leaf-filled green nails after each meal! Like wearing a saree wasn't enough!

My posts are getting shorter. I'm not blogging as much as i'd like to. *sigh*

Yours "extremes.."ly
Signing off...

At music's pace...

Walking with music in your ears... :) There's something about it that makes me laugh. I find myself unable to walk at a faster or a slower pace than that of the music playing! Its like waltzing with music itself...if you try to hurry on, it pulls you back. If you try to lag behind, it beckons. Like its steering you with hands you cant see, keeping time with you, like one of those dances where you don't have to do anything because the person you're dancing with knows it all...you just have to be there and allow yourself to be steered, to be guided...And so your walk becomes a dance...your feet are confused whether to listen to your brain, or obey the ungiven orders that are being sung into your ears. And when one thinks of this just as it is happening, a broad smile infests the lower jaw, and refuses to leave for sometime...giving the people on the road a chance to contemplate one's madness.

This doesn't happen only during walks. There have been several occasions when my cousin has made fun of me for wiping the table at music's pace...fast or slow. *sigh*

Suk, hope that answered your doubt on 'at music's pace' :)

Raat ka shauk hai...
Raat ki sooni se...
Khamoshi ka shauk hai
Shauk hai...

Yours "Waltzing with music..."ly
Signing off...

"After all this time?" - "Always"

21/7/07

5.00am - I'm wide awake. A fleeting feeling inside my head that i haven't slept all night. For the first time in my life, i'm thankful for mosquitoes, and the shallow, almost-non-existent sleep i fell into for around 6 hours. I look up at the owner of the voice that pulled me out of my midway trnasition between the two worlds so different, yet so real in their own ways.Her face didn't look so sleepy, but the madness in her eyes was obvious, and i thought they reflected the same madness in mine. The day would be marked in the calendars of history of our home...The day Divya woke up before sunrise all by herself, without anyone having to shout, nudge, call names, or switch off fans!

5.45am - A crowd of teenagers huddled in small groups outside a small bookstore, chattering, excited, waiting. A truck pulls into the gates, loaded with cardboard boxes, concealing the contents, but not really! All eyes follow the cartons into the shop. The cartons are unpacked. Faces are stuck to the glass door, staring at the stack. How much longer? The queue has gone to the road. The excitement is mounting. Before they realise what just happened, the door swings open, and the person who fate favoured to be the one to lay her hands on the first copy is pulled inside by some force. The same force that has kept millions waiting for this moment. The shop opens, they scream. The owner of the first book comes out and waves her book-holding hand to the crowd, they scream harder.

6.10am - I was running my fingers over the writing of the first page of this book...this book that had infested my dreams for days preceeding its arrival, this book that had taught me what it felt like to wait for something so much, that you can't sleep when you know its nearing. And what a moment it was! I screamed!

18 hours later.

I sat there staring at the white wall infront of me...was this what had kept me waiting? Was it worth the wait? YES. What satisfaction. It was like eating a sumptuous feast, but having too much to eat. But i still think that if JKR had not intoduced the concept of the 'deathly hallows' into the plot, the book would have been immensely predictable, thanks to sites like mugglenet, which got atleast one theory in each subject of discussion right on target. Bull's eye. One does wonder how jkr would have felt when she read a theory that got her story right! Was it that easy? The book had her style, totally. Except the ending. The ending didn't seem like it would belong in a jkr novel. On the whole, i got what i wanted. I wanted to feel like i was racing against time, running running running...i wanted to feel that chill down my spine, the adrenalin rush in, that tear that almost fell, that smile on comprehending things atlast, blurry eyed.

And what a phenomenon she created. Making people wait outside shops irrespective of time and space...my own realisation of craze, madness, euphoria, perseverence, WAIT.

Some stories, never really end.






Yours "Dumbledore's man, through and through"ly
Signing off...

The Prejudice

I might just have been walking out of a room, but i was Heidi running down the hill screaming peterrrrrr or running up the hill screaming grandpaaaa. My every step was like the fastest run i ever ran, and coming into the tubelight light was like greeting the morning sun, from darkness to light! I hoped that every centimetre i moved was equivalent to miles away from where i was. Miles away from the briefcases. Miles away from the pass books and cheque books and money talks. Such is my aversion towards bank business! I dont exactly know WHEN those briefcases started imparting this unpleasant feeling resembling biting-one's-lower-lip-in-rage, but it doesn't matter anymore, for its been long since the unpleasant feeling turned to torment, and torment to resigning one's fate to the necessities with no other way out!

I havent been able to explain my dislike for banks! I think its quite a compliment that my grandfather considers me old enough to discuss bank matters with me, but i sit through those sessions hoping they'd end the next minute! No offence to dearest thatha, he just wants me to learn. But the minute he calls me to his room, i dread pulling out those briefcases and listening to him murmur to himself, break his head, and finally decide which bill gets which cheque, from which account! Even though i do love looking at his face in that moment of victory when the big decision has been made! *sigh* Banks, are crowded, have long queues, people at the banks dont smile, they dont help, they dont care, and are far from how they're portrayed in advertisements, the "hum hain na - ICICI" types! Maybe i still dont understand the whole system, and that may be partly because i dont want to understand them! Do you know what you're doing divya? You're running away from one of the biggest responsibilities of life! How will you manage your money in the future? I do ask myself all that once in a while...but a smiling banker has to come by for that miracle to happen, and i do, with all my heart, await the day when i wouldn't have to sulk at the prospect of visiting a bank. After all, i do believe in miracles. :)

But having said all this...i'd also like to add...that signing cheques feels pretty cool ;-) Thats about the only thing i like about the whole business! No offence to any banker, its just a personal opinion, and more correctly stated - a Prejudice! Thus, a few months back, i came to the decision that the man who decides to endanger everything in his life by marrying me, fatefully or otherwise, will have to take care of all the bank deeds ;-) That, will be a criterion for the screening test, which has a few more criteria :D Its definitely not as bad as IITJEE :D

Anyone up to an argument? Or, anyone ready to convince me to change my mind? Try me!

Yours "The SBI couches are better than Indian bank ones, but the latter has better air conditioning!" ly
Signing off.....

Zendagi...Migzara, Smilingly

Life's weird. One longs for free time, but finds more bliss in work, and almost always wants to have something to do once free time plants itself in one's life. Isn't that weird? And here i am...apparently enjoying my holiday. Actually, i am. It's great to have something to do for a major part of the day, enjoy bike rides in the light drizzle, come back home to the people who are my source of entertainment and bliss, my laughs and hidden smiles, and enjoy the few hours of 'fursat'. The weirdness lies in the fact that my holiday is turning out to be much busier than my actual working days in college, but it is also, in some crazy way, more satisfying. Its like working in a true sense, for something whose outcome is definite, for something that you're going to earn, and something you've earned. Its satisfaction that one can only experience in seeing things happen the way they want it to happen. Maybe not quite, but something close to that.

And so time breezes past. Smilingly. Floatingly. Carries one with it, without letting realisation dawn upon the victim. It makes one smile for the smallest of things...laugh heartily for the silliest of things...its floaty bliss. I smile when thatha opens his father's day cards. I smile when paati sings 'kurai ondrum illai' to herself, hoping she means it. I smile when i remove my helmet to see strands of my hair strewn all over my face. I smile when i see the lights of an aeroplane from my bed, every 3 minutes. I smile when my mother calls herself a couch potato and complains about my dad not taking her out to buy groceries. I find those sessions immensely cute. I smile when my cousin calls me kutti divi. I smile when i have in my hand, hot bajjis from suriyas. I smile at paati's smile when she's holding my tea in her hand. I smile at 2 souls savouring orange kucchi ice, those smiles are definitely worth more than the 5 bucks spent on the orange kucchi ice. I smile when i deliberately switch on my parent's favourite songs. I smile at my psychic senses when i predict a power cut. I smile at my friend's craze on receiving her first captain Jack Sparrow poster. I smile at the longing i have for eggless chocolate cake that's baking in an oven thousands of miles away.

Thats alot of smiles :) This has been a different holiday. A holiday in which - i have not been stuck (read : addicted) to the computer - chatting, or watching movies, I havent had a chance to feel alone-ness or loneliness, I've had quite a perfect balance... between work and play, racing against time and floating along, realisations and non-realisations, regretting and being thankful, waiting and forgetting how it feels to be waiting, music...and silence. Maybe this is just the greener side. But hell, its greating just looking at things this way! Jab mile thodi fursat, khud se
karle mohabbat.

Yours "waiting, and forgetting how it feels to be waiting"ly
Signing off...

Battle field of sorts!

UPADTE 16/6/07 - Happy birthday, dear bro :) Have fun! Have a great year ahead.

Frankie had come to be an integral part of her home. They bumped into each other in the middle of the dining room, kitchen, and she almost even kicked him once. He scared her a little, but he couldn't really help that. Maybe she scared him too. He had duties to satisfy, he couldn't live without the essentials...they almost always bumped into each other when he was just about to relish his meal. And he'd always succeed in scaring her, making her run and yell. Frankie had his own gang of friends, or brothers should we say? And they believed utterly on healthy competition! Or so it would seem. So she watched, as her home transformed, each night, into something she always detested. Where can one better understand Darwin's concept of 'survival of the fittest'? He was a genius indeed!

Frankie. Blancho. Blackie. 3 names that rule the dining room of our humble abode every night. Maybe you already guessed who they are (some of you already know!). Those 3 names, i bestowed upon the regular dining-room lizards in our house! Yeah, you read absolutely right. Lizards. One of my friends asked me why I didn't hold a naming ceremony, like the one i had for my football (which by the way is ignored so totally at the moment, and he's quite snug behind the television cabinet! God know's how he rolled down to there!). I told her i figured it would be quite difficult to make crowns for lizards, and even more difficult to get them to wear the crowns! So i skipped the elaborate procedure ;-) After all, i dont think lizards are worth pasta, footballs definitely are! The names came spontaneously. Talk about the weird things we do during exams...this is definitely one of them for me! So as soon as i decided the names, i called my mother to the dining room one fated night, when 2 lizards were crouching towards their prey (the coackroaches! sheesh!). And i told her they're going to have names. She gave me the oh-my-God-not-again look, and went back to her bed. The next day when i woke up, the first lines i heard came from her...she said, "Frankie karthala gudu gudu nu tharai la odindu irundhudhu" (Frankie was running across the floor in the morning!). I laughed so hard that moment! And i asked my mother how she knew if it was frankie or blancho! And the description she gave me made me laugh even more...! It all meant that she actually paid attention to me at the casual naming ceremony, where i thought she was wondering what gets into me once in a while. Well, frankie's a shade lighter than Blancho, and is almost translucent! Blancho's bigger, darker and has a fatter tail! There goes!

I always wanted to blog about the lizards at home. They have the most annoying mannerisms! They have no fear whatsoever! They're not even scared of the humans of this house! They have this very very annoying habit of walking right across the floor exactly when one is walking, so that one has to make a significant effort to try to avoid stepping on them! YUCK! And one of them managed to brush against my toes once... :( They have stopped responding to vibrations and reverberations on the floor... which means that even my half-bharatanatyam walk, stamping my foot quite hard on the floor, doesn't make them budge! All it does is invite comments from my mother... "dance kathuka sollumbodhu kathukama ipo yedho thaiyya thakka nu aadindu iruka!" *sigh* Thus be the sad plight of the crazy one who dwells in the land of lizards and coackroaches. Thats what our home is turned into after 11pm everyday. How these creatures have such an amazing sense of time so as to torture only ME and no one else in the family is incredible. How they come out into the open only after the non-lizard-fearing section of the house retires to sleep remains on my list of eternally unanswerable questions!

We now have peacock feathers on our walls. Apparently the reptiles are scared of peacock feathers. It actually worked... thats why the regular liz's came down to 3! Looks like these 3 were the fittest that survived, and perhaps gained immunity to the feathers or something else that's beyond the understanding of my highly irritated brain! Meanwhile, the squirrel returned to our balcony and made me take off the swing for a second time... But well, Zendagi Migzara - Life goes on!

I dedicate this post to Nilesh (haha!) and Lavanya ;-) Who gave me the most entertaining evening in months! Thanks to the lizards. Of course Nil might have a different opinion altogether! I totally understand Nil!

Yours "frankie's got only half a tail now"ly
Signing off...

On Ammas, Paatis and mappilais ;-)

UPDATE 9/6/07 - Happy birthday Visu!!! (my cousin) And Sathya uncle! :) Hope you have a great day! And... Happy birthday, Johnny Depp :D We're still waiting for Shantaram, and pirates 4! :P


This post is a little late. But I'm glad i got down to putting it up anyway! It was my Paati's 70th birthday on the 31st of May :) And i so love her! So well, Happy birthday paati!!!! :D For the past few months...I've been realising how easy it is to make people happy, yet we hardly ever do it. Sad thing. So i'm on a 'lets make people happy' marathon, so dont be surprised if i make u smile ;-), and don't wonder why. Just be happy!

My paati is such a sweetheart, she allows me to play around. I put a party hat on her head on her birthday and made her pose for a snap :) Thats what you can see below. On another occasion, i made her wear a santa cap! Its very rare that each time you look at someone you're living with, you smile a nice, wide, happy smile. I don't recall doing it with anyone else but her. Whether she's passing by my room, or calling me for tea, or just happens to look my way from the television, there's always a smile. There are 2 smiles. Its a great feeling when I think about it now. Another thing i find immensely cute - If i keep playing a song repeatedly on the pc, she picks it up and starts humming it. The cutest on the list are Dus bahane, andan kaka kondai kaari and nila kaigirathu! Long live paati! Hope my kids get to relish her kothamalli thoagayal...and rasam! And alot of other things :)

Something that made me laugh no end a while back. I sent my mother a photo of myself and the Capt. Jack sparrow poster at satyam. She said its nice. And then i told her thats her future mapillai and told her he's the one i'm going to marry! Read for yourself, and laugh!

ramansumathi: good photo

Divs: hehe howz johnny depp?

ramansumathi: i am not bothered abt him, i saw only my daughter

Divs: oh but your daughter wants to marry him

Divs: so see your mapillai

ramansumathi: fool

Divs: hehe kaai ko tension mataji, johnny has 2 kids

ramansumathi: mad girl

ramansumathi: dont even say for fun

Divs: mom chillll... apdiye neenga kalyaman panni vechuduvel illai

Divs: ammmmaaaaaa paaaaaaaaaah u cant even take a JOKE?

ramansumathi: i know my daughter

Divs: wat abt your daughter?

ramansumathi: she wont do such silly things

Divs: hehe like wat? marry johnny depp?!

Divs: he's not available mom, he has 2 kids

ramansumathi: ok, leave that now

Divs: amma no tension!!!! pah pah i cant play also with u peacefully

WHEW! it takes quite a bit of convincing! Am not marrying him amma!

Yours "Aint she so cute with the cap?"ly
Signing off....

Telomerase, Marry me? :)

Yes, you read right! I dont think i've been crazier about anything/anyone, ever! Not even Captain Jack Sparrow! Telomerase, had the unfair advantage of stepping into my life before captain Sparrow did, thus, this partiality! Well, I just hope I hold a long enough acquiantance with telomerase to make me happy anytime i think of it in the years to come ;-)

Am totally mad amn't I?

psst is this my shortest post?!

Yours "TTAGGG"ly
Signing off...

Disconnected

I need a break....

For how much longer is my room going to look like this?


For how much longer is my pin-up-board going to look like this? (well, i've been wanting to do something nice to it for ages, but it remains. Scattered pictures, keychains, writings, football... *sigh*) Nik and caulagi, i think you can see the keychains you gave me :) i just noticed!

Exams are such a bore... :( And we never stop complaining. I am currently addicted to Nila Kaigirathu on the pc, and still, only hope, on the player. I have started liking Siddharth more than i already used to, and i don't mind Genelia anymore. I'm waiting my brains off for pirates 3, and am hoping next weekend is going to be something i never forget. But ofcourse that'll depend on a number of happenings! In the past few days, my eyes look like they just got bigger, and my hair looks like it got longer. But one can never be sure when one is going to turn bald. The heat seems to be coming down, but you can never tell with Chennai. It looks like its going to rain every morning, but its just a delusion. The sun fights off all the clouds by 11am. You have such long waits in life sometimes, that you feel like ditching the thing you're waiting for all together, and just living the moment. But that doesn't ever happen. The things that make you happy become inaccessible almost everytime you need them, but surprises still happen. The gulmohar outside my window is quite beautiful. I've learnt how to tie a saree. The bus ride back home today was one of those floaty ones...when i'm half singing, half humming, fully smiling. I love it when kids wave to buses, but i've never gotten myself to wave back. Its happenign again - my mother's not around and i feel like cleaning each centimetre of dust in the house even though i'm supposed to be studying. Wonder why i never bother when she's here. I burnt my breakfast yesterday. I've got used to wearing my retainers, and eating with them on. Peacock feathers look nice on the wall.

4 down, 2 to go. And am already in the holiday mood.

Yours "wanting to be disconnected...from everything"ly

Signing off...

Only Hope

vidiyaadha iravenru edhuvumillai
mudiyaadha thuyaramenru edhuvumillai
vadiyaadha vellamenru ethuvumillai
vaadaadha vaazhkkaiyenru edhuvumillai

---Vairamuthu

Translation, though it may not be as good as it is in tamil...

There's no night that doesn't break to dawn
There's no sorrow that doesn't end
There's no flood that doesn't drain
There's no life that doesn't fade

The title of this post has been stolen from the song i am currently addicted to. I think no other song has been played on my player for the past 15 days! Love it for the voice that seems drowned in the ocean of instruments...the violin, the piano, the guitar. And the feel...
Only Hope by Switchfoot.

Yours "vidiyaadha iravenru edhuvumillai"ly
signing off....

xerox

My nights are becoming sleepless...
My days are becoming useless...
So i asked God... "is this love?"
God said...
"idiot, your semester exams are nearing!"

Its that time of the year... you get the same text msgs on your cell... but they always make you smile. You'd have read the same sms' before your exams the previous sem, hardly 4 months back, still, anything that jokes about your present situation, makes you smile! That, was one such!

From very keen analysis, I presented some very useful results to my fellow classmates, struggling and broken hearted! I told them all... that since our STUDY holidays began, the most commonly used word happens to be xerox, and the most commonly used phrase happens to be God save or Kadavul daan kapathanum! I don't think i need to to talk abt what response i got! :D Considering i spent 500 Rs on paying up pending xerox bills...and that reminds me that one of my classmates keeps saying "its not xerox, its photocopy! Xerox is just a company!!". But well, we all stick to xerox! So maybe the scope for English language within our circle is quite limited to very few words and phrases before, and during exams! Of course another very commonly used word now happens to be HEAT! And the same heat is blamed for anything and everything that goes worng... "I slept for 3 hours, damn the heat!", "I'm feeling so hungry/thirsty/bored/groggy/looney/, damn the heat!" *sigh*

You do weird things during study holidays. Example? I watched the ManU vs Chelsea EPL match, just because i heard ManU were going to lift the cup after the match. I didn't watch the whole match, but i watch the 2nd half. Just to see them lift that cup and see the smiles and the euphoria... but what happened? It was 2.30am, and the match got over, and 2nd half analysis started, and there was no cup. And when i said "you made me stay awake to see them lift it, where's the cup?", i was told "You got to watch a good match man!" LIKE HELL! Whoever was responsible for that...you definitely know you're being talked about :P I just felt like mentioning it!! :D I'll remember that incident for as long as i can!

There you go... boring sessions, trying-to-study sessions, lets-get-rid-of-boredom-by-thinking-up posts-for-the-blog sessions... a week more, before the adrenalin rush. So in our own style i say... God save!

And.. wish me luck please!

Last thing... Vinay, For you in blue, Happy birthday! For May 12th. Have a great day, and a lovely year ahead. Play loadsa football! And one more wish... Sandhya's mom... Happy birthday aunty! Hope you liked all the stuff your daughter made you, am sure she enjoyed doing it all without studying ;-) Ok sand, chill!

Yours "Need training on how to waste time?Contact ME!"ly
Signing off....

Brighter than Sunshine

UPDATE 7/5/07 - Happy birthday Sukanya, and Anupama!!!!!!!!!! :D Hope both of your have a great day :) And a wonderful year ahead.... Suk, may we have more football discussions, and other discussions :) Have a blast!

The few things in summer that i look forward to... We all hate the heat and the sweat... but there's a greener side :)


The yellow light that appears in our dining hall wall every morning at sunrise... :) Its been one big inspiration for my photography! And alot of time pass with my coffee/chocolate mug! And.. i love photos of shadows...

Flaming peepal trees. Well, its not so flaming in this picture, but they look alot redder than that! I like to call them 'tress on fire'! *lame* right! I could stare at them for eternity. And did you know the speciality of the peepal tree... Every leaf swings by itself in the wind... they don't swing as a branch. So the next time you see this tree, try and notice...if its all sunny, the tree looks like its glittering because each leaf is on its own.

The tendrils... :) I've been in this city for quite a few years, but i started to notice these tendrils only 2 years back. They're lovely...they come from trees you wouldn't give a second look any other month of the year. Nature... *sigh*

The view from our house balcony! The pink flowers :) Whose name i still don't know! Its famous among my relatives... they make it a point to visit us just to see the tree :)

More from the balcony! The May Flower tree... the Gulmohar. On fire...orange flame!

Aah... the yellow and green mix. They look better when sunlight is filtering through them, which means you'd have to look at them from right below the tree. And this particular place, oryza, by itself is a nice building. During summer, the tree adds to the beauty!

MANGOES! :) But there's been a conspiracy this year! They're not tasting good :( Damn the export market!

Yelaneer. Tender coconut water. And the tender coconut too! And i love the way they use the 'aruvaal' to cut it open. Some skill! I'm always half scared they're going to chop their hands... i like it even better when the yelaneer splashes onto your face when they're cutting it! Yayy!

Watermelon :) Yumm.

I hate the heat :( But its better than floods. Anyway, These...are things other than sunshine that brighten up summer days :) Thus, i welcome summer, gracefully. And i hate my colllege and the uni for making us write exams in baking summer! And worse, studying for them! argh! Which reminds me, i have study holssss!

PS : Suk, we could always continue the comments on the prev post. I'm loving them! :)

Yours "there are some cool things about summer"ly

Signing off...

Presence and Omnipresence

Its funny how you're quite comfortable with your life until you realise what you've been missing for a long time...when the memory of how it felt to have it all stares you in the face teasingly...and how even stranger it feels when you realise that the memory didn't visit you through the years and decided to just now. And then you think of all the people because of whom you didn't realise what you were missing...or you wonder why it took you so long to fathom the depth of some small things that are always taken for granted... and you don't know whether to be thankful or reproachful. Maybe its all about time... maybe its all about the level of understanding...its all about how much things can change in a few months.

We had a family reunion. Now you could go ahead and think its a whole big family of 124 members who came from all over the universe. :) Nope... just 4 of us. My immediate family. My father, my mother and my brother. And the past month...has been a festival at home. That should explain the first paragraph that you'd have given your raised eyebrows to a while back! :) But hell... sometimes you have such big realisations, revelations that they could choke you to tears.

Thus...i dedicate this post to 4 people. First... to the best man in my world - my father ( all those of you who were expecting johnny depp there, too bad!;-)). I don't know why sometimes things hit you harder...its taken me 7 years to realise the love, the concern and the protection i've been missing, with that tinge of hidden pride he has for his kids :) Next ofcourse to the best woman i know - my mother. Lets not even start on how much importance she holds in the life we run here... her absence sometimes is very dearly felt. And then... to the second best man in my world - My brother. For a million things i cant even list out...even for that expression on his face when am giving him a head massage! God bless :)
Now the 4th... its to all those people who've been there when neither of the above were there...even though they are in a way, omnipresent... there's nothing like presence :) So the list would have to start with my grandparents...and then all those friends...who i spent hours on the phone and online with, laughing, gossiping, holding small talk with...

There was once when my mother told me when we were chatting online that her kids are always with her...that every morning when she's praying, she calls us by our names and makes us sit with her infront of God.... and her kids have such small palms...they're so tiny...her daughter is dressed in a frock...and they all sit, and pray together. I dont think anything she ever said before that in the 20 years of my life ever affected me so much. I guess those are our Godly parents...

Whacky stuff to wrap it off... i think Neo sports has some illegal connection with the football club Manchester city. Whenever i watch the channel, they have a Man.City match in which it wins! That to against liverpool and ManU! How unfair is that? ;-)

Yours "Kanden, Seethaiyai"ly
Signing off....

Shadows of thoughts

Pleasant and pointless chatter is what it was turning out to be. Chatter with no consequence, words spoken for the moment alone...like all that mattered was the minute. Not what happened after that, or what had happened before that. A feeling like any time before that moment never existed, and any time after that moment was meant to remain frozen and unmovable, so that the moment wasn't lost in time. There it was, a feeling of togetherness that hadn't been felt in a very long time. The happiness of seeing what was being seen...like finally fulfilling an escaping agenda. They should have been lost in the din, should have been unable to hear each other, should have been unable to enjoy the company... yet, it seemed like the din was a world away from where they sat, even though they were in the middle of it. The over-rated din.The smiles and talk showed that they could hear what was being said perfectly, and understanding it seemed like the most obvious thing.

A while later, 4 shadows lay still on the sand. The shadows cast by the street lamp...yellow light. The owners of the shadows sat on the parapet wall, half talking, half staring at the starless sky, half listening to the breeze...and perhaps, fully thankful for the moment. It was in those few minutes that the reality of life itself seemed to dawn upon each one of them...there were times before, when each of them thought different things about life, about reality. But this experience seemed new...seemed fresh...seemed true. And the pleasant chatter that was enjoyed in the middle of the din suddenly seemed to disappear in the quietness of the night...like chatter and noise called for noise, but silence demanded silence...like the breeze was craving attention, and the clouds pleaded an audience for their slow dance...like the waves were trying hard to be heard at the distance and the sands weren't satisfied with being still and ignored. A little girl walked on the sand...stamping on every one of the 4 shadows on the sand, and then paused slightly to take a look at the 4 long shapes. Perhaps it amused her, but it wasn't good enough to take her attention away from her sand bucket. She walked on...leaving tiny footprints in the sand...footprints that stayed for hardly a second before the sands filled in the space, as if in anger of their even-ness being mutilated.

The words that were spoken, or heard were never to be forgotten. The very words seemed to give them a new purpose to their lives. It made them thankful for the years that breezed past, with tests and obstacles that seemed meagre compared to other things in the world. One felt blessed and in an inexplicable way, guilty, for leading the life that had been led so far. Another may have felt a mixture of pride and fear. The 3rd, seemed to have felt a resgined feeling with a tinge of pride that wouldn't be displayed... Sometimes, talking about small instances makes one realise the significance of the big picture. Part scary, part depressing, part challenging...all encountered with part hesitation...part courage. At the end of it all, when you know you can't achieve everything in a day, when you know things happen for a reason, when you feel like sometimes, you just have to believe in the existence of destiny, you pray. For there doesn't seem any other way to comfort one's feeling of worthlessness... insignificance... small-ness. But again you think... everything has its place and time. And you live on...do the little you can... and hope that someday, you too, will have a story to tell, and that story... will hit someone hard. Someday....

Yours "Every face has a story. every man has a destiny"ly
Signing off....