Friday, February 25, 2011


They had shared a peculiar bond. One which was, but was not. One which had lulled its way into her life many a time, remained silent, lurking, suddenly appearing around the corner. They had walked together through the dark shadow, and another, and another... but when all was bright, sunny and happy, they knew it would become fickle again. One of them would depart, and they would forget each other, only to be thrown together again amidst the next dark shadow. But who sought who?

She looked for him sometimes, when he vanished. But she forgot. It was easy to forget, and get busy with other mundane things. It was easier now than it was a few years back. She had the power to beckon him, to question him, to hold his hand, or let him hold hers. That is how it used to be. But now she had come too far, or so she thought. He had walked away voluntarily. She had let him go, voluntarily. But why didn't she look for him? She waited for the shadows. The shadows had always brought him back. But the shadows came and danced around her, changed the air and slowed her down. She walked on, tried not to succumb. She walked alone, without him. She fought the shadows, without him. She left the shadows behind, without him. And then she reached the bright, sunny and happy place, and as it would be, she forgot about him. Forgot that he hadn't been there this time.

She went so close to him sometimes, but he still wasn't there. She matched his smile with hers, but he had something more hidden behind those eyes. Was he teasing her? Refusing to acknowledge her? Why was he so evasive?

She stared at the trees outside her window - leafless branches perched on a pale white background, a clouded sky. The stillness smelled of his absence. She saw him everywhere, but he was nowhere. She wondered how long this separation would last. Could she live the rest of her life without him? Would she have to? What could she do if he chose to stay away?

But what if she was getting it all wrong? Maybe she was hiding from him. Maybe he couldn't find her. Maybe he was waiting for her too. Maybe she wasn't looking in the right places. Maybe she had to let herself go, stop thinking, stop searching, stop questioning...

She sat cross legged on the floor. A tea cup beside her. She imagined she could hear the sound of the tambura being played in a single pitch, repeatedly. It was a familiar sound. Perhaps, the most relaxing sound. She sipped her tea slowly. This time, it tasted of sweet hope. She sat up straight, closed her eyes, and began to sing...

Kannan mugam marandhu ponaal, indha kangal irandu payan unndo?

Yours "Find it. keep it."ly
Signing off...