Sunday, December 23, 2007

Sparks of felicity!

A bike ride is like nothing on this planet. Its one of those things that dances to your tunes. You could be flying, or gliding, or simply just riding. A solitary ride on a breezy night, on an empty road, beneath a starry sky, guided more by the silver moon light than by the yellow head light, is a reprieve of sorts...but riding as a pillion rider behind somoene whose skills in riding you trust, is a different kind of bliss. You have nothing to control. You just let go...allow your soul to fly with the wind, as the wind. On a routine short ride with my cousin today, i looked up at the sky, more out of habit than anything else. The wholesome circular moon lit up the partly clouded purple space above me, a sky of scattered stars. And then, there was an aeroplane, flying right above us, and seemed to keep pace with us. It was some sort of fleeting feeling i cant describe. Like the inner core of my heart was struggling for expression, expression that would do justice, even though i was pretty sure nothing would. The only word that popped into my brain when i thought about it later was harmony. Weird, how I'm not able to relate that word to alot of other things i'd like to relate it to!

And that...was one of the lighter moments of the past 2 days which have been a myriad of unpleasant happenings and thoughts! The other light moment, which i classify as light only now, and didn't at all during its occurence, was my 15 minutes of 'fame'. Not literally, but within the family. A considerable amount of the attention that was focussed solely on my grandfather stole its way to my recklessly careless being for a while when i accidentally locked my uncle's car with the keys safely placed on the back seat, thanks to the thirupathi laddu that i had to free from the ants first, and then free from the car! I'm not going to explain how the hell i ended up doing that, but it happened! More disastrous was the fact that he was willing to carry out the task himself, but i insisted on doing it for him, and actually got the keys from him by saying "naan unga car ah onnum pannida maaten, saaviya thaango!" (I'm not going to do anything to your car, give me the keys). So much for trying to help! Me and my big mouth! Its a good thing they didn't have to break the door, considering there was no spare key...some sort of wire meddling worked. Whew! After all the cribbing and brooding i did before i mustered up the courage to break the news to my uncle! So,an hour back, when my uncle gave me the keys again, and told me to leave them at home, we had to grin at each other! And I, for all my carelessness, allowed myself some warm smiles for the renewal of his trust in me! Childish, yes, but it was the high point of the unfavourable circumstances! Or so I'd like to call it ;)

Lastly, i would never have updated in the present circumstances, but i was asked i dedicate this post to that reader of this blog who hardly ever comments. Thanks for making me do this :)

Yours "with the wind, as the wind"ly
Signing off...

Friday, December 07, 2007

Oh yeah!

There are so many things that happen in many phases, so many emotions that waltz with the mind. Yet, people chose to sing of love. And we don't seem to get bored of it. I'm not saying that other emotions, or situations, are totally ignored...Its just that, if theres a movie with 6 songs, 2 would probably centre around friendship, family, death or sheer fun/dabankoothu, while the other 4 will have something to do with the onset of love, descriptions of the girl/boy, or dreams of either, or when the love borne in the hearts of the protagonists is finally getting a name that society approves of with no qualms - marriage, or heartbreak, which ofcourse is very directly involved with love itself. Its very rare that vairamuthu writes a song like "Katrin mozhi", and that's because its not what is asked for. There are 5 other songs in that movie- mozhi(i'm not fond of the 6th one!)-which are as beautiful as this one, all that have something to do with this emotion i've been ranting about. Very pleasing music, and lyrics. So why are so many pieces dedicated to this theme? In indian movies, definitely because every story revolves around the romance, or the to-be romance. Even if it doesn't, there has to be a romantic track in the plot for sure. But what about english albums? Rock/pop/blues/hip hop anything! Maybe its the easiest to write about? Or maybe because its one of the most important things that happens in a person's life? Is it? Or because its a feeling that is capable of leading to a number of other feelings - happiness/pain/blah?

Ok, i don't know. The bottomline is, we still enjoy it. And we're not going to stop listening to it, even though we know its sort of over rated. Seems like an anticlimax? Was i supposed to announce to the world that no more love songs should be made, and that people better start concentrating their music and lyrics on the million other things around them? Yeah right, like anyone's going to listen to me. So i'm not complaining. I dedicate this post to one song (i know we usually dedicate posts or anything to people, but...). A song that describes what it feels like to be in love, but describes nothing about the girl, pretty much unlike alot of tamil songs. A song that has music that is capable of lifting you up from the dumps and making you smile. Lovely lyrics (I'm just not able to find out who wrote the lyrics! God bless him/her!). Its one song that makes me happy, eternally. Its already been mentioned on this blog before.

Vizhiglin Aruginil Vanam,from the movie Azhagiya theeye. Composed by Ramesh Vinayagam

Its got quite an adorable video too...with Prasanna, who i think has an awesome pair of black/brown eyes. Maybe the best i've seen, which i realised thanks to Kanda Naal Mudhal...lots of close up shots! But lets not get to all that now ;)

You can find the song, with the lyrics here. Last on the list.

"Irudhayame thudikiratha...
thudipadhupol, nadikiratha..."

Yours " Oh yeah!" Ly
Signing off...

Thursday, November 29, 2007

*no subject*

It is the ones you like the most that you let go of...let them have it their way...bow out...and then, when your heart lights up with the memory of it, way into the years, you smile. Maybe you didn't do the right thing. Maybe you should have held on, displayed your stubborn-ness, the same stuborn-ness that disappears in the presence of a few. But no...if it wasn't the right thing to do, you wouldn't be smiling about it now. And ofcourse, there's always happiness in seeing them happy. Happier, perhaps. That, is the curious way in which the happiness inside the distorted head works. Quite marvellous sometimes. Painful sometimes. Giving some part of the mind a new lease on joy. Depriving another of the same. Laughing, but not really. Bitter-sweet. A battle you won, by losing. Where the victory exists, but not in your head. Loss or Gain? You know it for sure...but you secretly wish for an assymetrical slant towards the 'gain'. Maybe...

You let them go, you let them free, you make them happy, you're happy. Maybe thats selfish after all. There's something for everyone in everything that happens. Fringe benefits, or maybe, not.

Yours 'realisations of sorts' ly
Signing off...

Saturday, October 20, 2007

In the dark

How does one handle the fear of becoming a nobody in life?
Of being dissolved into nothingness...
Of chosing the inappropriate course...
Of not being able to listen to one's heart well enough, because its not loud enough, and not being able to see the vision in one's mind clear enough, because its blurry...

Sometimes its just not enough how much ever you try. Maybe it never is. And its impossible to blame destiny, or anything or anyone else. Because you know theres something missing, and its too late to change it. And its not right to give up. But you feel like it. And then you're told its just the beginning...

If only...If only, i could hear that inner calling loud and clear. If only i could get myself to steer my ship myself, and in the right direction. If only this confused state of mind could disappear when i wake up tomorrow morning, and a new perspective, a new plan, could infest my mind and get me working. If only...

I've been told time and again that i do alot of thinking that almost always ends up in nothing. Maybe that is actually true. But what's there to execute when the thinking's not over? Or cant be over?

Yours"looking for the light"ly
Signing off...

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Pulling the heart's strings

I am presently addicted to apple juice. Apple juice at midnight.Nice way to start the day dont you think? :)I was hooked to Friends (the sitcom), but i guess that wore off because i didn't have more of it to watch.

I like sad songs...slow-soft-sad songs.maybe they just evoke emotion more easily in me than happy songs do...and one really sad song i've been listening to over and over again is "take my heart back" by Jeniffer Love Hewitt. I think sad songs hit one harder if they have a particular context in a movie or something...atleast for me, its like that. You know exactly why that song was sung, or the tune was played, and all the sadness in the movie just infests your mind and strikes your heart.Of course its not always like that...theres always the lyrics which you can relate to
your own life...but lately, more than the lyrics of the song, its the movie situation that has succeeded in making me sad! And then there's the tune...some tunes don't even need words to tell you its a sad one. Reminds me of the time my music teacher was teaching us this particular song in kalyanavasantham ragam, and the whole atmosphere got so gloomy and sad...not like we understood the song...just the ragam and the tune...Its like this sick feeling in your stomach,this emptiness sorrow just swallowed the whole world, and there's no coming out of it. Some sort of enchantment, but a sad one. There's so much beauty in that...when something no one can understand makes each person in the room feel the same thing. I guess that's what they call the language of music :D

I haven't been able to come out of my BGM craze, or my awe for Mani rathnam (if you scroll down, you'll notice my previous post had alot to do with both!). This time, the movie is Thalapathi. I was totally bowled over by the balance of each element in the movie...quite neatly done. Its like Mani Rathnam used some mathematical equation to calculate the proportion of each element, and got it all right, and beautifully. Theres the friendship, the mother-and-lost-son element, theres the right dose of romance, very aptly balanced with the rage and the helplessness coming out of that "unfulfillable" love, theres a good deal of violence (which i guess the movie needed),and there are the well placed songs composed by the maestro, illayaraja. Another thing i liked about the movie is the bond between the little girl (banupriya's daughter) and Rajnikanth.

The BGM that made me re-watch scenes this time was the violin version of the song "Sundari kannaal oru seydhi". Brilliant composition. It makes me feel like the violin is crying out...shobhana's eyes speak it all out...the yearning, the bittersweet its like the violin complements her eyes. And when you realise all the helplessness that's involved in that scene of lost love, its some sort of poignant beauty.

I'm not uploading the violin piece i'm talking about...partly because i think its complicated, and partly because i'm lazy. So if you'd like to listen to it, you can leave me a comment, and i'll mail it across.

And thus we indulge in music and movies, and small or big analyses of them, to help us forget the bigger things in life. To stop dwelling in things that require patience...on things that do not entirely lie at our mercy. After all, I've heard that to get out of difficulty, one must usually go through it!

Yours "This too...shall pass"ly
Signing off...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

You're the rain, I'm a leaf!

I was telling one of my cousins yesterday that blogging about A.R.Rahman and Mani Rathnam has become so terribly cliched. Every other blog has a post raving about either of them, their work and their genius. But well, i guess alot of people do blog about them because they really sensible film maker, and one music genius. You know what's even better? The combination. When they work together on a project. And there, i'm finally blogging about them myself! But this is not because of how i'm totally in awe about their work (which i am actually, but that's a different issue!). So why has this post come up?

I happened to watch the movie Aayudha ezhuthu (pardon spelling errors if any) again, but only for the second time. All i could recall about the movie before i watched it again was this - I'd watched it in Mayajaal, after my dad bought tickets that i thought were grossly expensive, i was amazingly cranky and pissed off during the drive, and maybe that's because my brother refused to come with us, we ate some ridiculously dry vazhakai bajji in a small eat out before the movie, and it made me choke no end, my mother thought the movie was too violent and didn't like it,I totally loved the scene where surya is dismissed from college but he doesn't leave because all the students say they'll leave with him, I loved the way surya pushed bharatiraja out of his way in the last scene, and also liked the scene when trisha comes back from sivagasi. Ok i know i could recall more of what happened before the movie, than the movie itself! Maybe that's why i wanted to watch it again!

Anyway, to the point...i watched the movie, and liked it all over again. But this time, i noticed the finer details of the music that i may have noticed, but not gone back to, when i watched the movie in the theatre. The Background Music - the BGM. In the siddharth-trisha scenes. Lovely. Violins. Good dialogue + Good BGM = Scene that can be watched atleast 10 times on the same day ;-) Thats wat happened! But well... something quite funny just happened now. I'd been watching the movie with my cousin this morning, and we reached the part where sid doesn allow trish to leave the bus, and they sit there for a long time till the bus goes to the terminus and comes back to her stop. Theres a small song (a variation of hey goodbye nanba) in the background...I'd recorded the song in my mp3 player because i couldn't find it anywhere online. So i was telling him the lyrics go like this -

May mazhai Naan illai
Idhuku mel oru nilai
vidai kudu, pogrien
eeramai vazhgiren...

He gave me one look, and started laughing! Obviously there was something wrong with the lyrics...the lines didn't sound right! Things didn't add up... so he said he'll listen to it...and he laughed and laughed...because he thought the lyrics actually are...

Nee mazhai Naan Alai
Idhuku mel uravu illai
vidai kudu, pogiren
eeramai vazhgiren...

I laughed too. Mainly at his "when do we get rain in May?" question! But still, the eermai vazhgiren part didn't make sense... and then, the movie was playing on tv, and we were watching the same scene... and we realised...we got the first line wrong! It ACTUALLY is

Nee mazhai, naan yelai
Idhuku mel, uravu illai
vidai kudu, pogiren
eeramai vazhgiren...

Whew! And now, it finally makes sense!

Translation... (if u already understand the lyrics, please dont read this translation, it'll be terrible!)

You're the rain, I'm a leaf
We don't have any relationship beyond this
Say your farewell, I'll leave
And live in all Wet-ness! ;)

Anyway... its been an ayudha ezhuthu BGM week. Been listening to the same tunes, and watching the same scenes over and over again... some movie! If you want to check out the video of the song i've been ranting about... here

Yours "Vidai kudu...pogiren"ly
Signing off.....

Monday, September 10, 2007

Thair Sadam

Statuotary Warning - The following piece contains an unfair amount of the tamil language for an (apparently) english post. Those who fear comprehension, may stop right here. To those of you who do understand tamil, beware, your stomach might just grumble a little louder than usual ;-)

My hippocampus is still alive with the memory of my mom and our neighbour aunty packing thair sadam and elumchampazham sadam (lemon rice) on one of our trips to some national park in Kenya when i was around 4 or 5...the bond between thair sadam and me (actually, every tamilian) goes back a long way! But never did i realise its
significance till a few years back. Infact, there was a time i'd just not like the look of it. However, as the years flew by, i realised no dish really imparts the satisfaction of having eaten thair sadam, not too pulippu, preferrably thallichufied (i dont know how to translate that, sorry!), with something to go with it. The exact scene that's playing in my head right now is this - My mom used to give my bro and I balls of thair sadam in our palms, so that we couldn put it into our mouths by ourselves when we were kids. She'd make a kuzhi (hole) in the rice, and fill it with a few drops of sambar/some kozhambu, and we'd adachufy (stuff) the whole thing into our mouths, making our cheeks wet with the curd, and giving ourselves white meesais!The last vaai (mouthful) was always called the yaanai-kutty-vaai (baby elephant mouthful!), because it'd be extra small! (back then, we were innocent of the superstition that the one who gets the last mouthful is blessed with a good spouse! See my mom is a very wise woman, she knew what to teach kids, and what not to!). *sigh* feels like that incident happened in another age, in someone else's life now!

Now getting on with life... and this post! The best thing about thair sadam is that it can be eating with almost anything! Salty or sweet, bitter or otherwise! Here are some combos i love and don't really love so much...

(for convenience, i'm going to call thair sadam TS)

TS + Urga (pickle) - This has to come first in the combos, most definitely because it is one of the most heavenly combinations on earth! My personal favourite is aavakai urga, though alot of people prefer lemon, or garlic, or ginger! Nothing to beat aavakai, that too from my periamma's house!

TS + Mor molagai/vepala katti - If you're a tamilian, and don't know what either mean, i suggest you consult your paati! I rate both these equally with thair sadam. Though i'm sure my bro would go in for the former. Aah i can almost taste it!! Damn!

TS + some kozhambu - The kozhambu's can be - sambar, vethal kuzhambu, ara puli kozhambu, molagu kozhambu, porucha kozhambu, and the list goes on! For best outcome on the tongue, one must put a drop of kozhambu on the small amount of TS that is already on the fingers, ready to be taken into the mouth!

TS + Mambazham (mangoes) - This is my thatha's personal favourite, though i find the whole combination revolting!

Now to my favourites...

TS + Rasam - Ridiculous? Thats what alot of people think! They find it impossible to believe that i can eat thair sadam and rasam! Anyway, it appeals no end to my taste buds! Better if the rasam has alot of puli (tamarind) and tomatoes, and alot of kadugu (mustard)!

TS + Namutha appalam/chips - This again, people find weird. I've been a fan of namutha appalam (softened/non-crisp appalam) forever now! And i love its cloth like appearance and feel when its soaked in the TS and the slightly salty taste it imparts to the curd! *heaven* And chips also ofcourse...! Potato chips with TS :D :D

TS + Rasam + Appalam - This beats the above 2!

My stomach has got this funny mechanism...whenever i over-eat, i start hiccoughing! And most of the times, when my meal ends with the last combo, i end up holding my breath to stop my hiccoughs! Such be my fondness for the king of all south indian dishes ;-)

You could add on more combos in the comments section!

Yours "TS the best of all"ly
Signing off...

Sunday, September 02, 2007


Sept 1 - Happy birthday mommy!!!

The past 2 weeks have been like holding breath under water... (though i have hardly ever done that!)...and today, i found my way back to the surface, followed the light, re-introduced oxygen into my lungs. Breathing again. Stopped racing. The marathon is over. The sad part being this marathon doesn't matter at all in the big picture. The big-picture-marathons dare me to step in and start running. And its like I'm sitting and watching them "boo" me, jeer, make fun...beckon. Still scared to enter the arena, and fight. But still, trying to make sure I'm not dragged in by force...Anyway, i stop here!

Lesson of the week - If you know you're in for yelai sapaadu at a kalyanam, cut your nails!

I dont grow my nails...unfortunately, they happened to be un-cut during my cousin's wedding last week. And i think i ended up eating more from the table than from the yelai, thanks to all the scratches and holes my nails made on the yelai! And ofcourse, i ended up with leaf-filled green nails after each meal! Like wearing a saree wasn't enough!

My posts are getting shorter. I'm not blogging as much as i'd like to. *sigh*

Yours "extremes.."ly
Signing off...

Saturday, August 04, 2007

At music's pace...

Walking with music in your ears... :) There's something about it that makes me laugh. I find myself unable to walk at a faster or a slower pace than that of the music playing! Its like waltzing with music itself...if you try to hurry on, it pulls you back. If you try to lag behind, it beckons. Like its steering you with hands you cant see, keeping time with you, like one of those dances where you don't have to do anything because the person you're dancing with knows it just have to be there and allow yourself to be steered, to be guided...And so your walk becomes a dance...your feet are confused whether to listen to your brain, or obey the ungiven orders that are being sung into your ears. And when one thinks of this just as it is happening, a broad smile infests the lower jaw, and refuses to leave for the people on the road a chance to contemplate one's madness.

This doesn't happen only during walks. There have been several occasions when my cousin has made fun of me for wiping the table at music's or slow. *sigh*

Suk, hope that answered your doubt on 'at music's pace' :)

Raat ka shauk hai...
Raat ki sooni se...
Khamoshi ka shauk hai
Shauk hai...

Yours "Waltzing with music..."ly
Signing off...

Monday, July 23, 2007

"After all this time?" - "Always"


5.00am - I'm wide awake. A fleeting feeling inside my head that i haven't slept all night. For the first time in my life, i'm thankful for mosquitoes, and the shallow, almost-non-existent sleep i fell into for around 6 hours. I look up at the owner of the voice that pulled me out of my midway trnasition between the two worlds so different, yet so real in their own ways.Her face didn't look so sleepy, but the madness in her eyes was obvious, and i thought they reflected the same madness in mine. The day would be marked in the calendars of history of our home...The day Divya woke up before sunrise all by herself, without anyone having to shout, nudge, call names, or switch off fans!

5.45am - A crowd of teenagers huddled in small groups outside a small bookstore, chattering, excited, waiting. A truck pulls into the gates, loaded with cardboard boxes, concealing the contents, but not really! All eyes follow the cartons into the shop. The cartons are unpacked. Faces are stuck to the glass door, staring at the stack. How much longer? The queue has gone to the road. The excitement is mounting. Before they realise what just happened, the door swings open, and the person who fate favoured to be the one to lay her hands on the first copy is pulled inside by some force. The same force that has kept millions waiting for this moment. The shop opens, they scream. The owner of the first book comes out and waves her book-holding hand to the crowd, they scream harder.

6.10am - I was running my fingers over the writing of the first page of this book...this book that had infested my dreams for days preceeding its arrival, this book that had taught me what it felt like to wait for something so much, that you can't sleep when you know its nearing. And what a moment it was! I screamed!

18 hours later.

I sat there staring at the white wall infront of me...was this what had kept me waiting? Was it worth the wait? YES. What satisfaction. It was like eating a sumptuous feast, but having too much to eat. But i still think that if JKR had not intoduced the concept of the 'deathly hallows' into the plot, the book would have been immensely predictable, thanks to sites like mugglenet, which got atleast one theory in each subject of discussion right on target. Bull's eye. One does wonder how jkr would have felt when she read a theory that got her story right! Was it that easy? The book had her style, totally. Except the ending. The ending didn't seem like it would belong in a jkr novel. On the whole, i got what i wanted. I wanted to feel like i was racing against time, running running running...i wanted to feel that chill down my spine, the adrenalin rush in, that tear that almost fell, that smile on comprehending things atlast, blurry eyed.

And what a phenomenon she created. Making people wait outside shops irrespective of time and own realisation of craze, madness, euphoria, perseverence, WAIT.

Some stories, never really end.

Yours "Dumbledore's man, through and through"ly
Signing off...

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

The Prejudice

I might just have been walking out of a room, but i was Heidi running down the hill screaming peterrrrrr or running up the hill screaming grandpaaaa. My every step was like the fastest run i ever ran, and coming into the tubelight light was like greeting the morning sun, from darkness to light! I hoped that every centimetre i moved was equivalent to miles away from where i was. Miles away from the briefcases. Miles away from the pass books and cheque books and money talks. Such is my aversion towards bank business! I dont exactly know WHEN those briefcases started imparting this unpleasant feeling resembling biting-one's-lower-lip-in-rage, but it doesn't matter anymore, for its been long since the unpleasant feeling turned to torment, and torment to resigning one's fate to the necessities with no other way out!

I havent been able to explain my dislike for banks! I think its quite a compliment that my grandfather considers me old enough to discuss bank matters with me, but i sit through those sessions hoping they'd end the next minute! No offence to dearest thatha, he just wants me to learn. But the minute he calls me to his room, i dread pulling out those briefcases and listening to him murmur to himself, break his head, and finally decide which bill gets which cheque, from which account! Even though i do love looking at his face in that moment of victory when the big decision has been made! *sigh* Banks, are crowded, have long queues, people at the banks dont smile, they dont help, they dont care, and are far from how they're portrayed in advertisements, the "hum hain na - ICICI" types! Maybe i still dont understand the whole system, and that may be partly because i dont want to understand them! Do you know what you're doing divya? You're running away from one of the biggest responsibilities of life! How will you manage your money in the future? I do ask myself all that once in a while...but a smiling banker has to come by for that miracle to happen, and i do, with all my heart, await the day when i wouldn't have to sulk at the prospect of visiting a bank. After all, i do believe in miracles. :)

But having said all this...i'd also like to add...that signing cheques feels pretty cool ;-) Thats about the only thing i like about the whole business! No offence to any banker, its just a personal opinion, and more correctly stated - a Prejudice! Thus, a few months back, i came to the decision that the man who decides to endanger everything in his life by marrying me, fatefully or otherwise, will have to take care of all the bank deeds ;-) That, will be a criterion for the screening test, which has a few more criteria :D Its definitely not as bad as IITJEE :D

Anyone up to an argument? Or, anyone ready to convince me to change my mind? Try me!

Yours "The SBI couches are better than Indian bank ones, but the latter has better air conditioning!" ly
Signing off.....

Monday, June 18, 2007

Zendagi...Migzara, Smilingly

Life's weird. One longs for free time, but finds more bliss in work, and almost always wants to have something to do once free time plants itself in one's life. Isn't that weird? And here i am...apparently enjoying my holiday. Actually, i am. It's great to have something to do for a major part of the day, enjoy bike rides in the light drizzle, come back home to the people who are my source of entertainment and bliss, my laughs and hidden smiles, and enjoy the few hours of 'fursat'. The weirdness lies in the fact that my holiday is turning out to be much busier than my actual working days in college, but it is also, in some crazy way, more satisfying. Its like working in a true sense, for something whose outcome is definite, for something that you're going to earn, and something you've earned. Its satisfaction that one can only experience in seeing things happen the way they want it to happen. Maybe not quite, but something close to that.

And so time breezes past. Smilingly. Floatingly. Carries one with it, without letting realisation dawn upon the victim. It makes one smile for the smallest of things...laugh heartily for the silliest of things...its floaty bliss. I smile when thatha opens his father's day cards. I smile when paati sings 'kurai ondrum illai' to herself, hoping she means it. I smile when i remove my helmet to see strands of my hair strewn all over my face. I smile when i see the lights of an aeroplane from my bed, every 3 minutes. I smile when my mother calls herself a couch potato and complains about my dad not taking her out to buy groceries. I find those sessions immensely cute. I smile when my cousin calls me kutti divi. I smile when i have in my hand, hot bajjis from suriyas. I smile at paati's smile when she's holding my tea in her hand. I smile at 2 souls savouring orange kucchi ice, those smiles are definitely worth more than the 5 bucks spent on the orange kucchi ice. I smile when i deliberately switch on my parent's favourite songs. I smile at my psychic senses when i predict a power cut. I smile at my friend's craze on receiving her first captain Jack Sparrow poster. I smile at the longing i have for eggless chocolate cake that's baking in an oven thousands of miles away.

Thats alot of smiles :) This has been a different holiday. A holiday in which - i have not been stuck (read : addicted) to the computer - chatting, or watching movies, I havent had a chance to feel alone-ness or loneliness, I've had quite a perfect balance... between work and play, racing against time and floating along, realisations and non-realisations, regretting and being thankful, waiting and forgetting how it feels to be waiting, music...and silence. Maybe this is just the greener side. But hell, its greating just looking at things this way! Jab mile thodi fursat, khud se
karle mohabbat.

Yours "waiting, and forgetting how it feels to be waiting"ly
Signing off...

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Battle field of sorts!

UPADTE 16/6/07 - Happy birthday, dear bro :) Have fun! Have a great year ahead.

Frankie had come to be an integral part of her home. They bumped into each other in the middle of the dining room, kitchen, and she almost even kicked him once. He scared her a little, but he couldn't really help that. Maybe she scared him too. He had duties to satisfy, he couldn't live without the essentials...they almost always bumped into each other when he was just about to relish his meal. And he'd always succeed in scaring her, making her run and yell. Frankie had his own gang of friends, or brothers should we say? And they believed utterly on healthy competition! Or so it would seem. So she watched, as her home transformed, each night, into something she always detested. Where can one better understand Darwin's concept of 'survival of the fittest'? He was a genius indeed!

Frankie. Blancho. Blackie. 3 names that rule the dining room of our humble abode every night. Maybe you already guessed who they are (some of you already know!). Those 3 names, i bestowed upon the regular dining-room lizards in our house! Yeah, you read absolutely right. Lizards. One of my friends asked me why I didn't hold a naming ceremony, like the one i had for my football (which by the way is ignored so totally at the moment, and he's quite snug behind the television cabinet! God know's how he rolled down to there!). I told her i figured it would be quite difficult to make crowns for lizards, and even more difficult to get them to wear the crowns! So i skipped the elaborate procedure ;-) After all, i dont think lizards are worth pasta, footballs definitely are! The names came spontaneously. Talk about the weird things we do during exams...this is definitely one of them for me! So as soon as i decided the names, i called my mother to the dining room one fated night, when 2 lizards were crouching towards their prey (the coackroaches! sheesh!). And i told her they're going to have names. She gave me the oh-my-God-not-again look, and went back to her bed. The next day when i woke up, the first lines i heard came from her...she said, "Frankie karthala gudu gudu nu tharai la odindu irundhudhu" (Frankie was running across the floor in the morning!). I laughed so hard that moment! And i asked my mother how she knew if it was frankie or blancho! And the description she gave me made me laugh even more...! It all meant that she actually paid attention to me at the casual naming ceremony, where i thought she was wondering what gets into me once in a while. Well, frankie's a shade lighter than Blancho, and is almost translucent! Blancho's bigger, darker and has a fatter tail! There goes!

I always wanted to blog about the lizards at home. They have the most annoying mannerisms! They have no fear whatsoever! They're not even scared of the humans of this house! They have this very very annoying habit of walking right across the floor exactly when one is walking, so that one has to make a significant effort to try to avoid stepping on them! YUCK! And one of them managed to brush against my toes once... :( They have stopped responding to vibrations and reverberations on the floor... which means that even my half-bharatanatyam walk, stamping my foot quite hard on the floor, doesn't make them budge! All it does is invite comments from my mother... "dance kathuka sollumbodhu kathukama ipo yedho thaiyya thakka nu aadindu iruka!" *sigh* Thus be the sad plight of the crazy one who dwells in the land of lizards and coackroaches. Thats what our home is turned into after 11pm everyday. How these creatures have such an amazing sense of time so as to torture only ME and no one else in the family is incredible. How they come out into the open only after the non-lizard-fearing section of the house retires to sleep remains on my list of eternally unanswerable questions!

We now have peacock feathers on our walls. Apparently the reptiles are scared of peacock feathers. It actually worked... thats why the regular liz's came down to 3! Looks like these 3 were the fittest that survived, and perhaps gained immunity to the feathers or something else that's beyond the understanding of my highly irritated brain! Meanwhile, the squirrel returned to our balcony and made me take off the swing for a second time... But well, Zendagi Migzara - Life goes on!

I dedicate this post to Nilesh (haha!) and Lavanya ;-) Who gave me the most entertaining evening in months! Thanks to the lizards. Of course Nil might have a different opinion altogether! I totally understand Nil!

Yours "frankie's got only half a tail now"ly
Signing off...

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

On Ammas, Paatis and mappilais ;-)

UPDATE 9/6/07 - Happy birthday Visu!!! (my cousin) And Sathya uncle! :) Hope you have a great day! And... Happy birthday, Johnny Depp :D We're still waiting for Shantaram, and pirates 4! :P

This post is a little late. But I'm glad i got down to putting it up anyway! It was my Paati's 70th birthday on the 31st of May :) And i so love her! So well, Happy birthday paati!!!! :D For the past few months...I've been realising how easy it is to make people happy, yet we hardly ever do it. Sad thing. So i'm on a 'lets make people happy' marathon, so dont be surprised if i make u smile ;-), and don't wonder why. Just be happy!

My paati is such a sweetheart, she allows me to play around. I put a party hat on her head on her birthday and made her pose for a snap :) Thats what you can see below. On another occasion, i made her wear a santa cap! Its very rare that each time you look at someone you're living with, you smile a nice, wide, happy smile. I don't recall doing it with anyone else but her. Whether she's passing by my room, or calling me for tea, or just happens to look my way from the television, there's always a smile. There are 2 smiles. Its a great feeling when I think about it now. Another thing i find immensely cute - If i keep playing a song repeatedly on the pc, she picks it up and starts humming it. The cutest on the list are Dus bahane, andan kaka kondai kaari and nila kaigirathu! Long live paati! Hope my kids get to relish her kothamalli thoagayal...and rasam! And alot of other things :)

Something that made me laugh no end a while back. I sent my mother a photo of myself and the Capt. Jack sparrow poster at satyam. She said its nice. And then i told her thats her future mapillai and told her he's the one i'm going to marry! Read for yourself, and laugh!

ramansumathi: good photo

Divs: hehe howz johnny depp?

ramansumathi: i am not bothered abt him, i saw only my daughter

Divs: oh but your daughter wants to marry him

Divs: so see your mapillai

ramansumathi: fool

Divs: hehe kaai ko tension mataji, johnny has 2 kids

ramansumathi: mad girl

ramansumathi: dont even say for fun

Divs: mom chillll... apdiye neenga kalyaman panni vechuduvel illai

Divs: ammmmaaaaaa paaaaaaaaaah u cant even take a JOKE?

ramansumathi: i know my daughter

Divs: wat abt your daughter?

ramansumathi: she wont do such silly things

Divs: hehe like wat? marry johnny depp?!

Divs: he's not available mom, he has 2 kids

ramansumathi: ok, leave that now

Divs: amma no tension!!!! pah pah i cant play also with u peacefully

WHEW! it takes quite a bit of convincing! Am not marrying him amma!

Yours "Aint she so cute with the cap?"ly
Signing off....

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Telomerase, Marry me? :)

Yes, you read right! I dont think i've been crazier about anything/anyone, ever! Not even Captain Jack Sparrow! Telomerase, had the unfair advantage of stepping into my life before captain Sparrow did, thus, this partiality! Well, I just hope I hold a long enough acquiantance with telomerase to make me happy anytime i think of it in the years to come ;-)

Am totally mad amn't I?

psst is this my shortest post?!

Yours "TTAGGG"ly
Signing off...

Friday, May 25, 2007


I need a break....

For how much longer is my room going to look like this?

For how much longer is my pin-up-board going to look like this? (well, i've been wanting to do something nice to it for ages, but it remains. Scattered pictures, keychains, writings, football... *sigh*) Nik and caulagi, i think you can see the keychains you gave me :) i just noticed!

Exams are such a bore... :( And we never stop complaining. I am currently addicted to Nila Kaigirathu on the pc, and still, only hope, on the player. I have started liking Siddharth more than i already used to, and i don't mind Genelia anymore. I'm waiting my brains off for pirates 3, and am hoping next weekend is going to be something i never forget. But ofcourse that'll depend on a number of happenings! In the past few days, my eyes look like they just got bigger, and my hair looks like it got longer. But one can never be sure when one is going to turn bald. The heat seems to be coming down, but you can never tell with Chennai. It looks like its going to rain every morning, but its just a delusion. The sun fights off all the clouds by 11am. You have such long waits in life sometimes, that you feel like ditching the thing you're waiting for all together, and just living the moment. But that doesn't ever happen. The things that make you happy become inaccessible almost everytime you need them, but surprises still happen. The gulmohar outside my window is quite beautiful. I've learnt how to tie a saree. The bus ride back home today was one of those floaty ones...when i'm half singing, half humming, fully smiling. I love it when kids wave to buses, but i've never gotten myself to wave back. Its happenign again - my mother's not around and i feel like cleaning each centimetre of dust in the house even though i'm supposed to be studying. Wonder why i never bother when she's here. I burnt my breakfast yesterday. I've got used to wearing my retainers, and eating with them on. Peacock feathers look nice on the wall.
4 down, 2 to go. And am already in the holiday mood.
Yours "wanting to be disconnected...from everything"ly
Signing off...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Only Hope

vidiyaadha iravenru edhuvumillai
mudiyaadha thuyaramenru edhuvumillai
vadiyaadha vellamenru ethuvumillai
vaadaadha vaazhkkaiyenru edhuvumillai


Translation, though it may not be as good as it is in tamil...

There's no night that doesn't break to dawn
There's no sorrow that doesn't end
There's no flood that doesn't drain
There's no life that doesn't fade

The title of this post has been stolen from the song i am currently addicted to. I think no other song has been played on my player for the past 15 days! Love it for the voice that seems drowned in the ocean of instruments...the violin, the piano, the guitar. And the feel...
Only Hope by Switchfoot.

Yours "vidiyaadha iravenru edhuvumillai"ly
signing off....

Thursday, May 10, 2007


My nights are becoming sleepless...
My days are becoming useless...
So i asked God... "is this love?"
God said...
"idiot, your semester exams are nearing!"

Its that time of the year... you get the same text msgs on your cell... but they always make you smile. You'd have read the same sms' before your exams the previous sem, hardly 4 months back, still, anything that jokes about your present situation, makes you smile! That, was one such!

From very keen analysis, I presented some very useful results to my fellow classmates, struggling and broken hearted! I told them all... that since our STUDY holidays began, the most commonly used word happens to be xerox, and the most commonly used phrase happens to be God save or Kadavul daan kapathanum! I don't think i need to to talk abt what response i got! :D Considering i spent 500 Rs on paying up pending xerox bills...and that reminds me that one of my classmates keeps saying "its not xerox, its photocopy! Xerox is just a company!!". But well, we all stick to xerox! So maybe the scope for English language within our circle is quite limited to very few words and phrases before, and during exams! Of course another very commonly used word now happens to be HEAT! And the same heat is blamed for anything and everything that goes worng... "I slept for 3 hours, damn the heat!", "I'm feeling so hungry/thirsty/bored/groggy/looney/, damn the heat!" *sigh*

You do weird things during study holidays. Example? I watched the ManU vs Chelsea EPL match, just because i heard ManU were going to lift the cup after the match. I didn't watch the whole match, but i watch the 2nd half. Just to see them lift that cup and see the smiles and the euphoria... but what happened? It was 2.30am, and the match got over, and 2nd half analysis started, and there was no cup. And when i said "you made me stay awake to see them lift it, where's the cup?", i was told "You got to watch a good match man!" LIKE HELL! Whoever was responsible for definitely know you're being talked about :P I just felt like mentioning it!! :D I'll remember that incident for as long as i can!

There you go... boring sessions, trying-to-study sessions, lets-get-rid-of-boredom-by-thinking-up posts-for-the-blog sessions... a week more, before the adrenalin rush. So in our own style i say... God save!

And.. wish me luck please!

Last thing... Vinay, For you in blue, Happy birthday! For May 12th. Have a great day, and a lovely year ahead. Play loadsa football! And one more wish... Sandhya's mom... Happy birthday aunty! Hope you liked all the stuff your daughter made you, am sure she enjoyed doing it all without studying ;-) Ok sand, chill!

Yours "Need training on how to waste time?Contact ME!"ly
Signing off....

Friday, May 04, 2007

Brighter than Sunshine

UPDATE 7/5/07 - Happy birthday Sukanya, and Anupama!!!!!!!!!! :D Hope both of your have a great day :) And a wonderful year ahead.... Suk, may we have more football discussions, and other discussions :) Have a blast!

The few things in summer that i look forward to... We all hate the heat and the sweat... but there's a greener side :)

The yellow light that appears in our dining hall wall every morning at sunrise... :) Its been one big inspiration for my photography! And alot of time pass with my coffee/chocolate mug! And.. i love photos of shadows...

Flaming peepal trees. Well, its not so flaming in this picture, but they look alot redder than that! I like to call them 'tress on fire'! *lame* right! I could stare at them for eternity. And did you know the speciality of the peepal tree... Every leaf swings by itself in the wind... they don't swing as a branch. So the next time you see this tree, try and notice...if its all sunny, the tree looks like its glittering because each leaf is on its own.

The tendrils... :) I've been in this city for quite a few years, but i started to notice these tendrils only 2 years back. They're lovely...they come from trees you wouldn't give a second look any other month of the year. Nature... *sigh*

The view from our house balcony! The pink flowers :) Whose name i still don't know! Its famous among my relatives... they make it a point to visit us just to see the tree :)

More from the balcony! The May Flower tree... the Gulmohar. On flame!

Aah... the yellow and green mix. They look better when sunlight is filtering through them, which means you'd have to look at them from right below the tree. And this particular place, oryza, by itself is a nice building. During summer, the tree adds to the beauty!

MANGOES! :) But there's been a conspiracy this year! They're not tasting good :( Damn the export market!

Yelaneer. Tender coconut water. And the tender coconut too! And i love the way they use the 'aruvaal' to cut it open. Some skill! I'm always half scared they're going to chop their hands... i like it even better when the yelaneer splashes onto your face when they're cutting it! Yayy!

Watermelon :) Yumm.

I hate the heat :( But its better than floods. Anyway, These...are things other than sunshine that brighten up summer days :) Thus, i welcome summer, gracefully. And i hate my colllege and the uni for making us write exams in baking summer! And worse, studying for them! argh! Which reminds me, i have study holssss!
PS : Suk, we could always continue the comments on the prev post. I'm loving them! :)
Yours "there are some cool things about summer"ly
Signing off...

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Presence and Omnipresence

Its funny how you're quite comfortable with your life until you realise what you've been missing for a long time...when the memory of how it felt to have it all stares you in the face teasingly...and how even stranger it feels when you realise that the memory didn't visit you through the years and decided to just now. And then you think of all the people because of whom you didn't realise what you were missing...or you wonder why it took you so long to fathom the depth of some small things that are always taken for granted... and you don't know whether to be thankful or reproachful. Maybe its all about time... maybe its all about the level of understanding...its all about how much things can change in a few months.

We had a family reunion. Now you could go ahead and think its a whole big family of 124 members who came from all over the universe. :) Nope... just 4 of us. My immediate family. My father, my mother and my brother. And the past month...has been a festival at home. That should explain the first paragraph that you'd have given your raised eyebrows to a while back! :) But hell... sometimes you have such big realisations, revelations that they could choke you to tears.

Thus...i dedicate this post to 4 people. First... to the best man in my world - my father ( all those of you who were expecting johnny depp there, too bad!;-)). I don't know why sometimes things hit you harder...its taken me 7 years to realise the love, the concern and the protection i've been missing, with that tinge of hidden pride he has for his kids :) Next ofcourse to the best woman i know - my mother. Lets not even start on how much importance she holds in the life we run here... her absence sometimes is very dearly felt. And then... to the second best man in my world - My brother. For a million things i cant even list out...even for that expression on his face when am giving him a head massage! God bless :)
Now the 4th... its to all those people who've been there when neither of the above were there...even though they are in a way, omnipresent... there's nothing like presence :) So the list would have to start with my grandparents...and then all those friends...who i spent hours on the phone and online with, laughing, gossiping, holding small talk with...

There was once when my mother told me when we were chatting online that her kids are always with her...that every morning when she's praying, she calls us by our names and makes us sit with her infront of God.... and her kids have such small palms...they're so tiny...her daughter is dressed in a frock...and they all sit, and pray together. I dont think anything she ever said before that in the 20 years of my life ever affected me so much. I guess those are our Godly parents...

Whacky stuff to wrap it off... i think Neo sports has some illegal connection with the football club Manchester city. Whenever i watch the channel, they have a Man.City match in which it wins! That to against liverpool and ManU! How unfair is that? ;-)

Yours "Kanden, Seethaiyai"ly
Signing off....

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Shadows of thoughts

Pleasant and pointless chatter is what it was turning out to be. Chatter with no consequence, words spoken for the moment all that mattered was the minute. Not what happened after that, or what had happened before that. A feeling like any time before that moment never existed, and any time after that moment was meant to remain frozen and unmovable, so that the moment wasn't lost in time. There it was, a feeling of togetherness that hadn't been felt in a very long time. The happiness of seeing what was being finally fulfilling an escaping agenda. They should have been lost in the din, should have been unable to hear each other, should have been unable to enjoy the company... yet, it seemed like the din was a world away from where they sat, even though they were in the middle of it. The over-rated din.The smiles and talk showed that they could hear what was being said perfectly, and understanding it seemed like the most obvious thing.

A while later, 4 shadows lay still on the sand. The shadows cast by the street lamp...yellow light. The owners of the shadows sat on the parapet wall, half talking, half staring at the starless sky, half listening to the breeze...and perhaps, fully thankful for the moment. It was in those few minutes that the reality of life itself seemed to dawn upon each one of them...there were times before, when each of them thought different things about life, about reality. But this experience seemed new...seemed fresh...seemed true. And the pleasant chatter that was enjoyed in the middle of the din suddenly seemed to disappear in the quietness of the chatter and noise called for noise, but silence demanded the breeze was craving attention, and the clouds pleaded an audience for their slow the waves were trying hard to be heard at the distance and the sands weren't satisfied with being still and ignored. A little girl walked on the sand...stamping on every one of the 4 shadows on the sand, and then paused slightly to take a look at the 4 long shapes. Perhaps it amused her, but it wasn't good enough to take her attention away from her sand bucket. She walked on...leaving tiny footprints in the sand...footprints that stayed for hardly a second before the sands filled in the space, as if in anger of their even-ness being mutilated.

The words that were spoken, or heard were never to be forgotten. The very words seemed to give them a new purpose to their lives. It made them thankful for the years that breezed past, with tests and obstacles that seemed meagre compared to other things in the world. One felt blessed and in an inexplicable way, guilty, for leading the life that had been led so far. Another may have felt a mixture of pride and fear. The 3rd, seemed to have felt a resgined feeling with a tinge of pride that wouldn't be displayed... Sometimes, talking about small instances makes one realise the significance of the big picture. Part scary, part depressing, part challenging...all encountered with part hesitation...part courage. At the end of it all, when you know you can't achieve everything in a day, when you know things happen for a reason, when you feel like sometimes, you just have to believe in the existence of destiny, you pray. For there doesn't seem any other way to comfort one's feeling of worthlessness... insignificance... small-ness. But again you think... everything has its place and time. And you live the little you can... and hope that someday, you too, will have a story to tell, and that story... will hit someone hard. Someday....

Yours "Every face has a story. every man has a destiny"ly
Signing off....

Sunday, April 08, 2007

The small nothings... (really?)

There are some things in life which you know you can make happen...but they just don't happen. All they need is a little push from YOUR side. But No...they seem like those unrealised dreams which you think will remain only dreams forever. Whether this applies to anyone who is reading this right now or not, it applies to me, period. My list is not too big. A part of the list, i know can happen if i want it to...but there are always a few things you can never tell for sure... I have decided not to categorize my list definitely for people to know! Ofcourse some things will be obvious... the 50-50 ones --> Keep guessing :) Yeah right, like thats the most interesting thing to do! I'll start... So finally, the nut who gets high on air, tells the world her silly and not-so-silly wishes she may or may not have the power to see become real!

Which one do i start with? God!

  • To go with the mood of the day - I want to be in a music concert of a musician/singer i love, i listen to alot, whose lyrics i could scream out even if i were woken up in my sleep, who would really make me scream out my lungs and jump real high, whose music i can relate to! I say this because i've been in a few carnatic music concerts, but none of the above necessary apply. I'm not saying i'm a no-no for carnatic, i like it too, but in a different way...but this has to be the way i want it! I've already missed enough and regretted.Waiting for the day!
  • I want to see, touch, play with, play in, feel the white-ness of...snow :) Preferrably during christmas time! (i've defintiely mentioned this before). I still don't know why... Maybe it just looks so beautiful. Like a balance of dullness and brightness that appeals to the senses.
  • I want to whistle in the theatres. I'm working on it ;-)
  • I want to satisfy every aspect of the desires my parents have for me for atleast a day... and i mean the small term ones, not the long term. Ofcourse I want to satisfy the long term ones too... but as of now, the daily ones.
  • I want to learn how to play tha violin :) and lately, the piano too!
  • Ironic and silly as this may seem... i want to be capable of having an answer to my brother's eternal question "what should i get you from here?" because "nothing" has started to bore the both of us a great deal.
  • I want to learn to cook as well as my mother, and my grandmother (peraasai thaan, yenna panardhu!)
  • I want to make a trip anywhere for a few days with just friends... preferrably Kenya :D Ok, on a more practical note, anywhere around here....
  • I might as well add... i want to take the guy i marry to one particular place in Kenya :)
  • I want to be at a first day, first show of a movie i've been dying to watch!
  • I want some shield that'll prevent me from thinking of the uncertainities in life! The maybe's and the maybe-not's! Well, work sometimes happens to be the best shield! None the less, i'd like a shield when i'm vetti ;-)
  • I want to get a proper haircut!!!!!!!

Ok thats not really eveything.... its the comparitively smaller things :) The bigger things ofcourse...are a mission! There, i'm open to judgement!

You could always leave your small list in the comments... we'd love to read them :)

Yours "If only...."ly

Signing off....

Friday, March 30, 2007

Alot of Crap

I'm going to make this a mixed post, although i'd have liked to take up each thing in a different post. I don't think i can elaborate too much, considering there are quite a few things i'd like to put in. Ok, i better start! Get prepared to yawn. If you're reading this, it means you don't have anything else to do! So yawning wouldn't be too bad ;-)

  • You know how it feels to taste victory as a team? *heaven* The past few days has made me realise how important it is to play as many sports as possible when one is young! I thought of all the times when i had to play cricket by force, with my brother and the other guys around (i almost always miraculously happened to be the only girl!). I most definitely played more guy games than girl games! Climbed trees, and the likes! But well, i never really thought the cricket would come in handy till we lifted that cup today... :) Some victory! Medals, the trophy, faces tanned black and red, sour throats from screaming and teethy smiles! YAY!

  • Sometimes prayer is magical. Magical in a way that one has never experienced before. When i first saw my juniors last year, i realised why seniors feel like ragging juniors! Every single thing they did seemed so irritating, and one had a strong urge to rag! But ofcourse that didn't happened. But the way they prayed before our matches...and made us pray...has opened up a new found respect for them, and their team spirit! And there's always the magic of silence...nothing but the whistle of the wind...and 15 pairs of eyes closed...

  • I believe i was born on this earth for the sole purpose of eating, and eating alot! I love babycorn. And i love getting them off their covers as much as i love eating them. Ever noticed how remarkably smooth the fibre inside the cover is? If you haven't, you're missing one of nature's finest creations!

  • Music is such an integral part of life... *sigh* I'm currently addicted to the song named 'Maula Mere' from the movie anwar. And...and...and... i've developed a new liking for the piano! An instrument that has never been too close to heart. I was always crazy about the violin, and still have plans of learning how to play it (yeah right!). Maybe i've just started noticing the small piano pieces here and there in songs... nice :)

  • I'm hearing too many love stories nowadays. Real life. And its been a smooth realisation that cinema is inspired from real life! And real life is sometimes beyond things cinema portrays!

  • Mira Nair is directing the Shantaram movie, and Big B is acting in it. :( :( :( Johnny Depp, are u reading this? :( :( Can't you pick a better caste?!

  • I watched "Water" yesterday. A mixture of beauty and poignancy. A movie that gives you hope till the last 20 minutes... and ofcourse it'll make you wonder 'now, is that really John Abraham?!' Lisa Ray looks lovely. Brilliant perfomances by Seema Biswas and the kid, Sarala, as Chuhiya (I found the name immensely cute). And the song 'aayo re saki' seems so much more wow after watching the movie...the movie is worth watching for some very well placed, well shot, well written and aptly portrayed scenes :) A bold attempt - sensitive, humourous, romantic, hurt-ful, poignant...but beautiful.

  • Lesson for the week - Do not read in between lines when all that is required is to read the lines alone!

Well, thats it! If you're not already sleeping, you could comment :)

Yours "A white so pure, life so ironic"ly

Signing off....

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Plays and Puppets

Offering flowers in prayer is a Hindu tradition that is followed flawlessly at home. Buying flowers for the next day's pooja was an amusing cause of quarrel between my brothers, who are now blissfully settled in places where flowers are probably used for any purpose other than prayer! Why quarrel? Because either of them had to chauffeur my grand-dad to the flower cart of the old lady sitting outside a small temple at the corner of a street 5 minutes away from home. And of course there'd be times when my grand-dad would walk right out on them and walk it up to the flower woman and buy his flowers! But well, times change. My stubborn grand-dad, who staunchly believed that the best flowers in the place were sold by the old lady, had to settle for home delivery of flowers by someone else becuase it didn't seem feasible for him to walk down everyday, and nobody was ready to do the chauffeuring everyday anymore (maybe that means I didn't make the trips for him after my brothers left!). That is how it all started... the flower lady began to come home every evening with her basket of flowers.

There's some unknown force that links our flower lady to dinner time. Her timing is indeed commendable, considering we have no fixed time for dinner everyday. She makes it a point to ring our door-bell atleast when my grandparents are eating, if not the whole lot of us. And they have to leave their plates and slowly walk to the door, where she is comfortably seated, gaping at the television, and asking for a change of channel to catch glimpses of her daily soap - more commonly known as 'serial' here! You can just about assume that her eyes have forgotten how to blink...she's anyway too busy cursing the lead character or the villain! One evening i caught my grandmother in deep discussion with the flower lady. It was a little weird, considering my grandmother (a) Didn't have a plate with half-eaten food on the table and (b) wasn't calling out names of flowers with the amount she wanted. What was worse was that the discussion was almost a whisper, and my gossip-craving soul was instantaneously attracted to the hushed tones and the definitely drawn expressions on my grandmother's face! Maybe Flat no.2's servant maid's sister-in-law's cousin's daughter got pregnant before she got married? What disappointment my poor soul had to face when my ears made it clear to my brain that my dear grandmother was catching up on some episodes she'd missed from the 7 O' clock soap! Does this have any limits? *sigh*

Apparently, it doesn't! Gone are the days when i tried the tricks of elongating my round face to make it clear i don't approve of the remote control resting its half-broken back on my grandmother's hands rather than mine. Now, we accept the fact that the remote control belongs to her on week days, and even better, watch the soaps once in a while because something's better than nothing! And it has been my immensely useful discovery, out of true experience, that it is enough to watch one episode every 2 months to follow the story of every soap! Of course the finer details can always be skipped, or in desperate situations, brought out as a narrative from dear grandma! Thus the daily routine continues... they laugh with the characters, cry with the characters.... after all, all world's a play!


To those who were once here, and now dwell in a more wonderful place....Rest in peace. You'll be remembered forever, in the depths of our minds, in the smiles of our eyes, in the fogged memories that may be hazy, but never too unclear to see what we wish to see. God bless.

Yours "All world's a play...and all mortals, puppets"ly
Signign off....

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Yours inspirationally...

What inspires? A speech? A story? A quote? A movie? A person?

Sunsets, war movies (old style, with the horses and swords!) always inspire me! Braveheart, The last samurai, Lord of the rings, and even troy imparted that feeling...! Some nut eh? ;-) I remember being inspired by the story of 'the race for dna'. Being a biotechie, i found the story of a how an aspiring ornithologist,James Watson and a physicist (measuring viscosity of liquids!), Francis Crick came together to crack the structure of the secret of life, dna, that too after years of competition with a pioneer in the field of protein structure computation, Linus Pauling. Other stories, other quotes or single lines, even songs... they just make you stop for a while and think, and marvel, and wonder...they make you want to do something significant! I still dont know why inspiration is such a short-lived feeling. When it is present, it is overwhelming with its presence, but when it leaves, it leaves you devoid of a feeling of worthiness!

Long hours of travel to our destination, the heat and the distance should have put off anyone among our group who was attending the workshop on toxicology at kancheepuram. But at the end of the 2 day affair, we stood there applauding, wanting more. It is my strong belief that i wouldn't remember more than half of that workshop had it not been for this 20 minute speech by a prof. It was a mix of biology and philosophy, the best vote of thanks i have ever heard. It is very rare that a live speech makes you cry because of the sheer beauty of its contents...this one moved most of us to tears, and was talked about for hours in the bus. It inspired me to the extent of picking up the mic and thanking him for the speech - something i've never done before, and never ever dreamed of doing. So i'd like to say, to Dr.Venkatadri, the look in your eyes when you talked about the sunset and the rhapsody, the fools and the world, plato and biology...that look, was inspiration. And like one of my friends put it, Philosophy was never so beautiful till we met you!

There's this movie i watched today which in its own way was a little inspiring. A movie from which emanated so much postive-ness that even the most determined pessimist would remain optimistic for atleast sometime after watching it. Mozhi. We don't see too many tamil movies like this one these days. Light and floaty, but very beautiful, and very thought provoking, not easily forgotten, good music, excellent perfomances and characterisation. Its like a new genre of movies has evolved with the 'prakashraj production' tag. And every movie is getting better...while you can expect a good story and good perfomances from a mani rathnam movie, good entertainment and commercial cinema from a shankar film, prakashraj gives us the hope that his movies will be classic feel-good, with an under-current of very good humour. I reccomend this movie, highly.

And then there's this story of someone's life. Someone i respected for her experience in the field of cancer research, and her dedication towards the subject till i heard other things... After hearing her story, there's so much more respect and so much to learn from. Though the story of how she waited 2 years, and worked so hard just to get into the lab of her dreams, to satisfy her passion for cancer research is awe evoking, and very inspiring, the other side of her story makes one realise how much the choices we make in life matter, and how important it is to make the right decisions. It seems impossible that a person who has made so many sacrifices can exist...but there she stands, teaches, sits among us like she were one of us, jokes around about students, not ever allowing us to acknowldge the fact that we're blessed to have ever met her, and sit with her and hold subject talk and small talk. One wonders why her story had to be so complicated, why she had to undergo so many trials, why she had to deal with more than she could ever handle... but again, some things, some stories are just not meant to be understood...and we may spend a lifetime trying to understand them. Like a friend once wrote

"kuch kahaniyan, kuch daastayein, jo kabhi kisi ko samjane ke liye na banayi gayi ho, jise samajhne main kabhi shayad puri zindagi lag jaye"

Yours inspirationally
Signing off....

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Trysts with the wild

Happy 100th post dear blog!!!!!! Wow, some journey that ;-) I didn't know what special stuff to do for the 100th post. Didn't get any ideas like what i did for the 50th. So you'll just have to put up with a normal post! But well, its been acknowledged. This blog is an integral part of my boring life! and i love it, and all its readers! Thankyou!

Wondering what the pic is about? Read on!

The mobile creations of mother nature are best admired when they remain where they are supposed to be. In the past few months, i have come to realise that what one considers beautiful on a tree can become a nuisance when its somewhere you don't want it to be, and something you thought was cute, can get onto your nerves when it affects something dear to you. Lets get to the point.
The balcony is one of my favourites laze-zones at home. It became an even more comfy area once my grand-dad brought in this very normal plastic chair with a great cushion. I could sit there for hours doing nothing. The first thing about my balcony which was destined to be doomed was apparently the back side of the air conditioner, which juts out right at the top, slightly below the ceiling. None of the members who inhabit this abode ever paid much interest to that metal box, probably because it was way over head, and ofcourse, there's no necessity to strain one's neck and look up at it once in a while! Looks like the ac suffered from 'attention-deficit' disorder and decided it was high time it came into the lime light. It was sometime in March last year, when i woke up one morning and opened the balcony door, just to see two birds flutter out into the open in great hurry! Ofcourse they left back a feather or two as a souvinier, for me to look at till they came back after a few hours. The incident called for constant vigilance. I sat at my table with what in chennai is called an 'ottara kucchi', a loooong stick with a brush at the end used to remove cobwebs stuck to the ceiling. One had to tap the side of the ac as soon as
the birds (which we confirmed were infact pigeons!) flew into the balcony. But human as i am, i got tired of the irritating practice, and called it quits. Miraculously, the birds seemed to have stopped coming in! Or so we thought. The calender turned to october, and i started hearing sounds at night. Bird sounds. Pigeon sounds. I hit the ac with the stick, and they didn't budge! The activity of these birds then varied from dropping their dirty sticks and leaves all over the white floor, to blessing us with their feathers now and then, to (the most important of them all) colouring our white walls with their excreta! Or should i say they perhaps thought our walls looked so dull, and wanted to add some life to it, and maybe they also found the smell in the air too bland, and wanted the pleasant aroma of their SHIT to fill in! And then they advanced to dropping their matter on the floor, on my cushiony chair, on everything except, luckily, us! These acts of indecency called for a check on what they were doing up there, and how many members the family had! Our long-moustached watchman climbed a ladder up and informed us that there was a meticulously built nest, and 2 FAT pigeons! A cry from me to remove the nest was immediately opposed by my grand-dad's belief from yester-year that if a pigeon's nest was disposed off, it would bring rifts in the family! And believe me, he was so staunch with the belief that we put up with the stench and the dirt for a few more days. As everything has limits, so did my patience, and after he saw the art work of the birds on our table once fine morning, he called for the disposal! "whew!". The nest was indeed a piece of art. Very meticulously built. But the point was that this house we live in was also very meticulously built, and we dont have problem with birds building their nests meticuously on trees! As for the pigeons, they both went inside a plastic bag which our servent maid took home. Whether she ate them, or let them free is still a mystery, though she does claim she let them go! Our floor and walls successfully stank for over a day, inspite of the phenyl wash and my attempt with the room freshner! The gap between the ac and the ceiling was skillfully covered with cardboard boxes which were hibernating peacefully till that moment! No more pigeon trouble.

Just when we were convinced that the trysts between our balcony and wild had come to an end, another incident made us realise that our balcony was probably meant to be George of the jungle or Mowgli of jungle book! One of the gifts i got for my birthday was this very nice rope swing. It stayed on the floor for about a month, until we finally got the hooks ('S' kokkis!) and hung it a few days back. Now the balcony was paradise! Listening to radio at night, watching
the stars and swinging...aah! The swing was given so much attention. There was a whole photo shoot with it! Each member of our family took turns to sit on it and smile, while others stood at the back and smiled wider. And i must say, it was a very photogenic swing. The photos were promptly sent to all the NRI members of the family and the happy comments were passed. And then, mysteriously, the swing started developing HOLES in the corners. At first, we thought the
poor structure could not withstand the bulky weight of our bodies, and i must say that none of us burdened the swing less than the other! More of the rope started to disappear. It was very very creepy. Yesterday, as i walked in from college, i heard my mother shouting "pudichaachu! there's the culprit!". I ran out to the balcony to see a squirrel happily nibbling away to glory, and in the process, getting a free ride on the swing! Ha! How happy and comfortable it looked! It ran away when it realised it had an audience, but promptly came back when we hid and waited.That was it! My mother took the swing (or what was remaining of the swing) off the hook and placed it on the floor of the room. Turns out the squirrel got angry. The mats in the balcony, which haven't been attacked till date, were all bitten, and their fragments lay on the floor, lifeless! What's more, the little creature had the guts to enter the house and nibble at the swing that was sitting on the floor! Oh God save! And i apparently find squirrels very cute. *sigh* Thus ended the short life of my beloved swing!

Pigeons and squirrels are nice to watch when they're on trees. Now, after some not-so-nice experiences, my mind refuses to forget the bitterness of the stench and dirt and nibbled fragments and the early death of a gift. And so my balcony stands swing-less, awaiting the next encounter with the wild! Lets see how long this break lasts!
PS: The picture depicts what i'd be doing if the swing were still alive. And that pic, is among the numerous ones we took.

Yours "looks like i'm not the only one who loves the balcony'ly
Signing off...

Sunday, February 18, 2007


This post is very very sudden. I'm supposed to be either sleeping right now, or studying! Though the former seems inviting, and the latter seems a necessity, i find myself compelled to sit and type out this post because (a) My Blog hasn't seen an update in way too many days for my standards and (b) Some incidents in life have to be recorded as soon as possible! I don't know how many of you noticed the 17th of feb hype a few posts back. 17th of feb just passed, and looks like it was a day meant to make a mark on every year's calender henceforth, for me! And so it did, despite my strong belief that it wouldn't! Need i rattle on further?

My smile in a matter of seconds, turned from METALLIC to NON-METALLIC! My braces came offfffff!!!!! : D :D Aww the freedom! Actually, it feels very weird to feels one teeth again and use a normal brush and have a mouth devoid of rubberbands! I couldn't believe my ears when the golden words were spoken, though they were a little technical, i felt like slapping my dentist... "So, shall we de-bind them today?" and instead of jumping up and screaming, i said "yeah sure" without even smiling! Ofcourse all the jumping happened at home!

Ok, i'm running short of time! So one last time... YAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! :D

Yours "the alloy stopped hugging my teeth"ly

signing offff....

Sunday, February 04, 2007

A 2 hour incident

UPDATE 15/02/07 - Happy birthday Anish! Have a great day, and a great year to come :)

They walk in, wearing the same colour, bags slung on their shoulders, their expressions un-readable. They make their way to the back of the room, perhaps in search of privacy from the chattering crowd, savouring food, having fun like a bunch of maniacs living the last day of their lives. They sit down, but not next to each other. He takes a seat at the rectangular table's longer side, and she at the shorter side. Their lines of sight intersect at a right angle. Silence seems like the preferred mode of communication for a while, or more than a while... She looks at him, he keeps his face straight, looking at the noisy group of girls right infront of him, perhaps wondering how people can still afford to be happy when his life seems like a road with way too many potholes...a road where enjoying a ride seems like a distant notion. She stares at his unbelievable determination to not look her side...and then she looks away, perhaps with a mixed feeling of rage and guilt. She then pulls her bag up to the table, and places her head on the bag, her face down, as if in defeat. He finally looks at her...she doesn't move her head. He takes to looking outside the window above her head, where another gang sit on a parapet wall fooling around in the hot sun. The noisy group of girls were now getting louder with a video shoot..damn why did cellphones ever have to be invented?

She lifts her head, slightly relieved to see that he's changed the position of his head. She talks, like she's explaining something. He doesn't flinch. The expression on his face can now be clearly read as anger, and hers, apology mixed with anger. She continues to talk...he says something, and turns his head back to the group of girls, the anger and her words bringing tears to his eyes. They reverse postitions...he puts his head down, she stares straight ahead. Tired of looking at his lowered head, she begins to read. Out of the silence and the strained atmosphere, she hears a voice. She looks up to see a friend enquiring in a genuinely concerned tone whether everything's ok. She tells him its all fine, and he shrugs and walks away. He lifts his head after a while and she closes her book...she talks again. Her hands move...slapping the air in various she tries to prove her point, convince him, explain to him. The strands of her hair that escaped being tied back,dance on her forehead as she shakes her head vigorously in argument. He begins to talk, his face displaying pain as it could never be described, holding back tears. She fights back, making him remove the glasses that rested on his nose and place 3 fingers of his right hand on his closed eyes...She walks out on him. He sits there alone, his half grown beard complementing the eyes glistening with held-back tears, and his expression. The girls at the table infront of him are now busy almost breaking their juice glasses shouting cheers!

Just as he puts on his glasses, resigning himself to any fate, she walks back in with another couple. She sits next to him. Was the argument over? The foursome speak. The couple that joined them joke around a little. She looks at him for a long moment, and then places her head on his shoulder. He can't understand her, but he smiles. He smiles a big smile, with all his teeth, and pushes her head off his shoulder in mischeif. They both smile giving their faces an expression that seemed impossible a few minutes ago. Her kohl filled eyes also glisten with tears as she looks at him now, maybe feeling blessed to have ever met him, and to have him by her side till whenever... He looks at her smiling, seeming happy, but maybe wondering what it is in her that makes every argument so short lived, and why on earth looking into those kohl filled eyes and dancing strands on her face gave him such satisfaction. The noisy group of girls slowly lined out of the table infront of them.

Having witnessed this 2 hour drama, i have a question - Are relationships worth it all?

This topic is open for discussion ;-)

Yours "Some observation that"lySigning off...

Sunday, January 21, 2007

20 on 20th!

Through the times of insignificance rose a moment of significance. A moment that turned into an hour, and eventually, a day never to forget. Like i'd already mentioned in the comments section of my previous post, i have these amazing people around me who never let my birthday pass by like just any other day... This post is a tribute to each one of them, whose wishes i'll carry along with me for life, and whose doings are never to be forgotten. I don't think things get better! One of my friends very correctly stated that the 20th of january will tell me how non-insignificant life actually is! I agree. Its some great feeling, and one never gets tired of sayin thanks. So once again, to each one of you, who made my day what it was, Thanks a million! God bless you all!

Right from my 12 o' clock wishes, and the before 12 wishes (people who said, am very sure i wont be able to catch you at 12, so am wishing you before hand even if its technically not yet 20th!), the sms', the day calls, the ISD calls, and std calls, the mails, the cards, the gifts, the visits...each of those...made me feel so... significant! And ofcourse, all those were all the better with the first round of chocolate pastries, which were dutifully squashed onto every member's face, thereby giving the photo a title "cake faces", and the 2nd HUGE, yummy, chocolate, full, round cake with 20 freaking candles on it, in a dark room... *sigh* surprises make the heart overwhelm with...i don't know what! I'm finding it difficult to put to words what i felt... but if there's one thing thats for sure, it was a postitive was something euphoric! It was one of those rare days when i had no problem whatsoever in displaying my braced teeth, and not artficially, in genuine smiles, and surprisingly, my mouth didn't want to stop doing it! It didn't hurt...from the minute i woke up to a number of msgs on my cell, to 11.00pm when the last guests much later, when i finally drifted into slumber. The whole day seemed too good to be true... like it happened to someone else, or to some part of me that didn't exist till that minute, and then suddenly became a part of the different parts that make me.

The day was probably the ONLY good thing my college has ever done to me. We were taken aback, and very very happy when saturday was declared a holiday... it was all perfect! There wasn't a single moment which came close to being sad...except this realisation of the number 20! 20 somehow feels BIG. Really BIG! Like all your young and sweet days are gone its defining a whole new phase in life. Like hell, my mom got married when she was around 20!! That should say something now! Any comments on that? ;-)

I don't want to list out the names of people who i'd like to thank, for the fear of missing out anyone. So... to ALL of you out there, who made 20/01/2007 my best birthday ever, who kept me smiling the whole day, who made me nostalgic to the point of tears, who spread warmth with the first sound of voice, who left my palms stuck to my mouth in awe, who made me chuckle with the teasing tones, who said it all in one look, one deed, one word... THANKYOU! Love you all! You know there's this which someone's being asked the most she's said with just one word... For this moment, i'd say my word 'thanks' means a million things, but still, if not the most, its the least i can say! God bless!

PS: I paid my dentist a visit too on my b'day. Looks like he wanted to see me too! But well, he didn't give me the gift i was waiting for.... :( he didn't take my braces off! But he promised me that 17/2/07 is goin to be the day! :D

Yours "days to be remembered, perfect...they're all perfect..."ly
Signing off....

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


UPDATE: 20/01/07 - Happy birthday Devs!!!!!!!! Hope you have a day as rocking as ever. And well, you could say same to you if you want! :D And may your day, your year, and every other day be...brighter than SUNSHINE ;-) Have a great day!!

Can one ever lead such an insignificant life that its acknowledgement wouldn't be necessary? If i say yes, it would contradict the words you see under my blog title. But considering the past 5 days, maybe i will have to contradict those words! You wait for holidays, they come, and before you know it, you're typing a post about how they're all over, and you don't know where the hell they went away to so fast! The pongal season is always looked forward to...if not for the pongal, atleast for the holidays! And being in chennai, i spent one whole day glued to the television. And the other days seem like a haze now. I do remember that i watched Guru :) And that i rode along besant nagar beach at 1.00pm, with the hot sun trying to penetrate my skull. I watched 3 movies, two of which were filled with japanese - chinks. I've always thought that ALL chinks look the same. If there's one thing those 2 movies made me realise, its that they DO look different after all! And one of those movies, i really liked. The last samurai. Am in no mood to write about the movie. The other movie was Memoirs of a Geisha.

Well, since i did say that all that happened was insignificant, lets move on to the only thing i could say holds some significance. I did something i never did as a kid, and never thought i'd ever do. I SWALLOWED MY RUBBERBAND! The one on my braces (i dont think i've gone to the extent of swallowing the one i use to tie up my hair yet!). The realisation of the missing rubberband first took me to all rooms of the house, to find out if i'd removed it and kept it somewhere...but well, no trace of the green thing anywhere! Considering i'd just finished my dinner, i had to accept the hard truth...that my stomach had been invaded by something my teeth would never grind, and my intestines would never digest! *sigh*

And so i live on with the insignificance... its sort of fun in a way, but it makes one lethargic, and sleepy, and bored, and unwilling to move out of the house and catch a bit of sunshine, burried in one's own thoughts, thinking about the hurdles to cross, wondering whether one is destined to do what one is presently doing... i end this post with the most significant lines i have heard in these few insignificant days...

Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?
Algren : I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.
----The last Samurai

Yours "Perfect...They're all perfect" ly
Signing off...