A Few Hours' Musings

There are some phases in life that can be extremely frustrating. Phases where you question alot of things knowing very well that the answers will remain in hiding for a very long time...but that doesn't really stop you from asking. You're asking yourself after all...so no big consequence to anyone at all. Except that living in doubt can cross the 'mystery in life' quotient sometimes and begin to eat into your head...

Ok please ignore me. I am having study holidays, and any person who has been reading this blog from day 1 would know what my posts are like during this period! They get crazier. Out of the fact that you are given holidays to study, but end up with some futile attempts, and finally arrive at the 'atleast i tried' phrase. The idea of giving one such long study holidays i believe is to make one study out of guilt of having wasted a good many days. You waste, you regret, the tension builds,you study. Not too bad a system eh? You do end up studying after all! Not so easy actually...

I just opened my books again after a 9 hour break ;-) Yes you read that right, 9 hour. Don't ask me for how long i studied before that! Anyway, after a good nine hours (in which i did alot of things from attending paatu class (music class), to watching 'sleepless in seattle') i opened my book again, and that led to alot of thinking that had nothing to do with genetic engineering. I thought about my paatu class... and about how its taken me so many years to appreciate the beauty of carnatic music. I silently thanked my mother for forcing me to attend my classes when i hated them. I've been learning since i was around 9 years old! And then there was some discontinuing in the middle...and then got back...and somehow today, i did something i've never done before. I asked my teacher to sing me a song. The one she started teaching me, one of my mother's favourites (so, i'm learning it for her!)...i wanted her to sing the whole song. And when she did, i almost cried...there are some voices you want the whole world to hear and be proud of, but when you realise it may not happen after all, you feel blessed to have heard it yourself. One such voice belongs to my teacher, a great woman. I'm not saying this out of sheer admiration for her voice, but the no.of things she has had to face in life. And so the Yamuna Kalyani came out as an ocean of melody, with so much feeling, so much life and love for music, such lightness, completeness, perfection, so much devotion that if Lord Krishna was listening, he'd have cried too. God bless her.

Then there's "sleepless in Seattle". A movie whose trailer i just happened to see... and decided to watch the movie after seeing a Tom Hanks - Meg Ryan combo on screen. I can never forget 'you've got mail'. I know some of you must be snorting at the so typically girly choice of movies...but hell, they're feel good, and i like them. "Sleepless..." was one of those movies that just carries you away and makes you believe anything possible, because of the way it seems very natural, with normal people, normal lives. But once the movie's done, you feel like you're snapping out of a dream...there's going to be no magic, no meeting on top of empire state builiding, no tom hanks!! If am lucky enough, maybe the guy of my mom's choice will look smart, wear glasses and be sensible enough ;-) So get on with life and tend to your books! First things first...

But no, instead of studying, i type out this post. With the song my teacher sang ringing into my ears in Bombay Jaishree's voice. With flashes of Meg Ryan's lovely eyes and Tom Hanks' casual manner running through my mind...and the questions flood back. Question your purpose in life, question your reason for existense, question the future, question some things you're sure you do not want answers for because it'll definitely make things worse, question your own life, and the things it stands for today. There may be answers. But you prefer to keep them with yourself... as i've heard "Knowing is the easy part.Saying it out loud, is the hard part" There's another phrase...

There are 2 great days in our lives. One in which we were born, and the other, when we come to know why. - William Barclay

We are born for different reasons. There are days when i think i was born to be the sole admirer of every sunset that the earth gives me...and there are other days when i think i was born to eat! And there are days when i think i was born for some other things... The purpose of this life may be discovered a little late, but will be discovered all the same... and there's always time. Time'll take care of it all... :) Thats the hope we live in. Hope can be the best, and the worst.

And so i pray...when i'm at a loss of words even to pray, there's a song i love...its called praarthnaa. By Euphoria. And Palash sen's voice spells the words out...i don't know how many times this song has brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad i did not count. Thank Heaven's for lyrics! A few lines...

Dil kisika dhukhakar khushi chahoon na
sirf apne liye zindagi chahoon na
haan tujse mein chahoon yahin, kya hai ghalath kya sahi, bhooloon na...
hai yahi praarthna...

Gham ke baadal jo chaaye, ghabraoon na...
aarzoon ke ho saaye, dar jaaoon na..
tujko ho vishwas mujpe, aur isse zyada me tujse chahoon na
hai yahi praarthna...

On that note...

Yours "Musings in madras"ly
Signing off...